


Year 5: Kindling Friendships

by VioletKnox



Series: The Lion, The Snake and The Locket [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Blood, Bullying, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Nudity, Quidditch, Reader-Insert, Reader-Interactive, Swearing, spectrumsempra
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-22
Updated: 2019-11-16
Packaged: 2020-12-28 04:28:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 26,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21130652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VioletKnox/pseuds/VioletKnox
Summary: You patiently wait for Severus on the train to Hogwarts, but when he shows up, you notice him hiding his face. When you see the cuts and bruises across his face, you worry and begin asking questions.





	1. Back at Hogwarts

You looked up from your book when you heard the train compartment door slide open and saw the slim gloomy figure you knew as Severus Snape, dragging in his luggage and putting it away before struggling to extract his own book from the wreckage of a bag that barely held itself together. It was the same bag he’d left Hogwarts with last year, at least it looked like it was before it seemingly aged about a hundred years. Though the sudden deprecated state of the bag had you curious, you knew it wasn’t your place to ask. Besides, it was Severus’ actions that had you worried as you watched him shove his face in his book without even acknowledging your presence. 

“Severus?” you said cautiously, trying to take a look at his face. He’d let his hair hang over him as soon as he turned to sit across from you, his book easily covering his features, which was a rather odd sight. You’d at least expected him to simply great you or at least make any indication that he knew you were in the compartment with him.

Severus ignored you, hoping you would go back to reading your book, if he simply stayed still, showing no interest in starting a conversation, but instead, he found you putting your book down and standing over him. He tried shoving his face further into his book, pretending as though he wasn’t aware of your presence, but you knew better than to fall for his illusive guard.

“Severus, what’s wrong?” you said sitting next to him, placing a hand on his shoulder. He jumped up at the contact, turning his back to you and shoving his face in his hands. You knew something was wrong but you didn’t want to push him. You stood up, making your presence known behind him by gently placing your hand back on his shoulder. His tense shoulders shivering beneath your palm told you he was struggling to keep himself together.

You wait for him to turn around on his own accord and when he did, you noticed his hair was longer than usual, explaining why his face had been completely hidden from you. Even now, facing you, his hair showered over him like a curtain on a stage, waiting to be pulled back. You studied his slouching posture a moment, waiting for him to make a move that never came. Slowly, you reached a hand up, lifting his chin, to which he surprisingly didn’t object to. But when you saw his face, your eyes widened in shock and your back straightened as you saw the bruises around his left eye and cuts across his lower lip, left eyebrow and right cheek. 

“Severus,” you whispered, “What happened?”

Severus looked away from you and pushed his way past you as he sat back down. “I don’t want to talk about it,” he muttered, intending to go back to his book. 

You watched as he slumped back in his chair and felt your worry intensify further, wondering what had happened to him.

“You know you can tell me anything,” you said as you sat down beside him. He held his book in his lap but made no move to open it. “Was it James? Or Sirius?” you asked, gently pushing hair from his face and tucking it behind his ear to get a better look. He yanked his head away from you but didn’t yell or try and push you away. 

Understanding that he didn’t wish to speak about it, you went and grabbed your book, seating yourself back beside him, showing him you respect his wish to stay silent. It was all you could do as you had no desire to push him further than you already had.

You both read a while after that without a word spoken between you. Eventually, you moved to the other side of the compartment and laid down, deciding to take a nap as you didn’t get any rest the previous night. When you woke up a half hour later, you saw Severus staring at you intently. His cold gaze caused you to freeze in your spot, not daring to move. 

“It was my father,” he whispered after a long moment. Looking away from you, he hung his head low in shame, not knowing why exactly he had decided to share with you. He had never mentioned his father’s abusive tenancies to anyone, not even Lily, but he felt more comfortable with you as you had once shared your personal life with him and this secret was something burning him from the inside. It felt good to talk about it with someone, even those few words he’d spoken helped him feel a bit more at ease.

You sat up and quickly and cautiously getting up to sit beside him once more. Severus didn’t move an inch as he continued to stare at the floor.

“He-umm-” he started, “He’s a muggle. He hates magic, thinks it’s more of a disease than a gift. My mother normally sneaks me out of the house early in the morning when he’s still sleeping so I can get to the train before he starts going off again. But I woke up late today and he caught me packing my things,” he took a deep breath and paused. Noticing his struggle, you reached over and gently squeezed his hand in comfort.

“I understand,” you said softly, “You don’t have to say anymore.” You both stayed there in silence before you went to brush hair from his face again. He didn’t jerk away this time, finding your soft touch comforting. He slowly turned his head towards you and began searching your eyes. As you gazed back into his eyes, you wondered why he’d come to trust you so much as you didn’t exactly have the best friendship. In fact, you weren’t even sure what you had with him was even a friendship as he’d never really shown any indication of feeling such a way towards you. Sure you’d studied together, spent time outside of class with one another, but was that really enough to say you were now friends?

After a moment, you went into your luggage and took out your wand. “How about I help you heal?” you said enthusiastically, trying to lighten the mood a bit and help him forget the horrible morning he’d had. He hesitated a second before nodding his head. You did your best and was able to clear his bruises, but some of his cuts didn’t heal all the way. Nevertheless, you were glad you were able help ease a bit of his pain, both physically and emotionally. 

“Sev, how-how often does he do this?” you said hesitantly. He went back to looking at the floor, feeling uncomfortable at the topic of his father. 

“I don’t want to talk about this anymore,” he whispered. You nodded in agreement and didn’t dare speak another word about his injuries. You watched him relax as you quickly changed the subject telling him about the books you had read over the summer holidays. 

As the train ceased to a halt, you jumped from your seat, eager to start your fifth year at Hogwarts with Severus. 

“You know we have O.W.Ls this year,” Severus said as he held the compartment door open for you.

“Yeah, Professor Slughorn mentioned that to me last year but I never got to ask what that was?” you asked curiously.

“The Ministry tests us at the end of the year and our grades determine if we can continue in the subject next year.”

“What?!” you said panicked. You always had the impression that so long as you passed your classes, you would be able to continue with your studies the following year. You never expected to take Ministry issued exams. 

“Don’t worry,” he said, noticing the fear in your eyes. “You’ll be fine, most Professor’s will take you with an E and I suspect you will be able to achieve that in the subjects you want to continue studying.”

“What subjects do you want to continue with?” you asked out of curiosity, unsure yourself of what you’d want to sign up for.

“Well, definitely Defense and Potions. I’ll probably take Charms and Herbology as well for good measure…”

“Naturally,” you giggled knowing those were really the only subjects you studied together last year. 

“I don’t know,” he shrugged, “Guess we shall see what my options are after I receive my O.W.Ls results.”

Thinking about receiving a letter telling you what your possible future could be scared you, not only because it would determine your career path options, but you were afraid of the thought that you wouldn’t be able to take classes with the only person you had came to trust.


	2. Diamonds are Made Under Pressure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You grow increasingly stressed as your team captain, Caroline, informs you that you are up for taking her position next year as it’s her last year at Hogwarts.

The first practice of the season commenced shortly after tryouts. Your team captain, Caroline Villarreal, who was also a beater, seemed more determined than before as this was her last year at Hogwarts and wanted to leave on a high note. She had gone down on everyone harder during tryouts this year, scaring a lot of the younger students. Luckily, the team had only been seeking a new keeper as everyone else from last year’s team had rejoined. 

Practice was just as brutal as tryouts, leaving your entire team exhausted beyond belief. 

“I feel like we just played a game with the Slytherin team, only they had twice as many players,” one of your teammates complained as you all changed, feeling your sore muscles ache in pain. 

“She’s going to kill us before we even get a chance at winning the cup this year,” cooed James just as Caroline walked back into the changing room, causing him to flush white. 

“James, (Y/N). I need to speak with you,” she said sternly, ignoring all the irritated looks thrown her way by your team. “Once you finish changing, meet me back on the pitch.” She left as quickly as she came without even a glimmer of a hint as to why she specifically wanted to talk just you and James.

You waited for James to finish packing up before heading back to the pitch with him. 

“Wonder what she wants,” you heard him mumble under his breath as he ruffled his hair. He sounded annoyed, as if the timing of this sudden meeting was inconvenient to him. 

“Ah, good, you’re both here,” said Caroline as you approached her. 

“As requested, captain,” James replied, exaggerating his tone. Caroline to shoot him a look of disapproval as you wondered if he was deliberately trying to get under her skin. She had been pretty ruthless to him during practice today, but it’s not like he was the only one she targeted as she seemed to have spent the entire evening flying around yelling at each member of the team one by one.

“Look, this is my last year at Hogwarts, which means Gryffindor needs a new team captain next year,” her serious tone had not changed, in fact she seemed more nervous than before. You glanced over at James who now had his attention solely on Caroline, listening to every word intently. “I haven’t made up my mind yet on who I’d like to replace me, but I’d like to recommend one of you two to McGonagall. That means that this year is just as important to you as it is to me now. If you want the spot, if you want to be captain, you have to prove yourself able, you have to put everything you have into this season and show me you’ll be able to carry the mantel next year.”

You couldn’t believe what you were hearing. Captain? You had only dreamt of such a possibility, but was your dream really so much closer than you thought? Becoming captain would surely help you greatly in your potential future career in Quidditch and you were not about to let this opportunity slip. 

“Do you both understand me?” said Caroline as she glared between you and James. 

“Yes,” you both said in unison before making your way back to the castle. James split off from you as soon as you exited the stadium and you began making your way to the library. 

Once you reached your usual spot, lunging your bag onto the table, you took a seat and let out a deep sigh. Severus looked up from his book, alerted by your presence and began to notice you weren’t as cheery as you normally were. 

“Something on your mind?” he asked.

“Just stressed is all,” you admitted. “It’s bad enough we have O.W.Ls this year, but Caroline is looking for a new team captain for next year. She said she is trying to decide between me and James.”

Severus scoffed when he heard you say James’ name. “You’re a much better player than that git. If Caroline had any sense, she would realize there’s no competition. You are the clear choice.”

“Thanks,” you said as you giggled. Even though you knew Severus was biased towards you as he hated James, it still felt good to be reassured you had a chance against him. Your competition to win the position had you worried as you’d always seen your Gryffindor peers praise James each time he caught the snitch. Of course, you’d get your fair share of friendly shoulder pats, but it was nothing compared to the way others looked at your team seeker. “I really want this Sev. I think I’d be a good Captain and it would really help me pursue a career in Quidditch after graduation.”

“Is that what you want?” he asked curiously. “To pursue Quidditch?”

You looked back at him as your shoulders dropped. It was hard to think about what exactly you would do after you left Hogwarts. You’d only come to know of the Wizarding World for a few years while others, like Severus, had grown up told everything about it. You didn’t know everything it had to offer, so it was much harder for you to join your classmates in dreaming of your ideal future. “Well, I’m not sure really. I mean it’s-it’s definitely on my list. I’m just not sure if that’s what I want to do or not. Do you think I’d be good enough?”

“Yeah, I think you are brilliant. Better than Potter anyways.”

You couldn’t help but smile as you bit down the laugh about to escape your throat, knowing he was just being salty. “Severus, James is a good seeker. I know you don’t like him, but the fact that he’s rude doesn’t cancel out his talent in Quidditch.”

Severus frowned as he listened to you defending James, but quickly shrugged it off, noticing you had returned to a nervous and stressed state. 

“I still think you’d be a better Captain and if you really wanted to pursue Quidditch, I think you have the talent for it,” he tried reassuring you again.

You smiled at his compliment, happy you at least had him on your side. You still had time to decide what kind of career you wanted to pursue. There was no rush. And if you hadn’t decided by the end of the year, you would simply take as many courses as you could and keep your options open. Of course, that meant you had to work extra hard this year, not only in your studies, but on the pitch as well. You reached over to the pile of books on the table and began studying as Severus resumed reading his book. Glancing over towards him, you wondered what kind of career he was interested in pursuing. He was always so talented in potions, perhaps he’d become a Potions Master. Or an auror as you’d also seen him read up on the Dark Arts just as much as Potions. You both continued studying together until nightfall, but you couldn’t help the stress that had begun to weigh on you. This was going to be a tough and irksome year, but at least you had someone to help you get through it.


	3. The Lonely Lion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Severus finds you crying in an empty classroom right before lights out. He comforts you as you tell him about the events that had lead you to that moment.

As Severus made his way down to the dungeons for curfew, he heard muffled cries echoing down the halls. He paused and searched for the source as he slowly walked down the dark corridor. They were getting louder and eventually became distinct enough to recognize that it was a girl who was crying. He began cracking open each door, searching each room for whoever it was, curious as to why she was crying at such a time. His search finally ended as he neared the end of the hall and saw a shaking figure in the corner of the room he had just entered. 

He approached her carefully, not wanting to startle the girl, but as he neared her, she noticed him and jumped up from where she sat as she began wiping her face. She gazed up at the intruder and as her vision returned to focus, she recognized the boy and immediately turned her back on him, not wanting him to see her in such a state. 

“(Y/N)?” Severus said in shock. “Are you alright? Are you hurt?” he tried to examine you to find the source of your pain,but couldn’t find any sign of injury. 

“I’m fine Severus,” you said between sniffles, “Please just leave me alone.” You took a step towards the wall in front of you as your hair fell around your face. You did your best to gather yourself as quickly as possible, but it was already too late. Severus could tell there was something off and there was no hiding the fact that you were hurting. 

“If you’re hurt, I can take you to the infirmary,” he insisted as he took a step towards you, trying to peer over your shoulder to see your face. But as you turned away, he began to feel worried over you, concerned that there was something seriously wrong and you’d neglected to seek help.

“I’m fine, please just leave!” you said in frustration as you shoved your face back in your hands, tears began to flow down your cheeks.

Seeing you push him away, Severus now understood that you had indeed been hurt, but not in a physical manner. “You can talk to me, I’m here to listen,” he said, remembering how you once comforted him when he was in the position you had now found yourself in.

You stood there, paralyzed by his words. It shocked you to hear him offer you comfort when all he’d ever shown you was a tenacious disinterest in your friendship. Slowly, you turned just enough to peek over at him through your hair. 

Pushing aside your pride, you finally turned around, lifting up your head as you realized Severus was only trying to help you. As your hair fell back in place, he got a glimpse of your face and notices how red and puffy your eyes had gotten, telling him you had been crying for a while. Seeing your fresh tears, he reached into his robe and pulled out a tissue. As he handed it to you, you couldn’t help but wonder why he had begun acting warmer to you lately. You never imagined the boy you met in that train compartment last year would ever try and comfort you in such a way, so why was he being so kind all of a sudden? 

You gathered yourself, whispering a thanks to him before seating yourself back on the ground and leaned back against the wall, waiting for Severus to take his place beside you. He stared at you, watching your breathing return to normal as you spoke. 

“Sirius cornered me after dinner,” you began, “He wanted to ask if I would go with him to the first Hogsmeade trip. You know, as a date,” you saw Severus’ expression change into something that looked like a mixture of anger and disgust. “I laughed at him and told him off. I said after the way he had been treating me, I wouldn’t date him if he was the only living creature left on earth.” Severus let out a small shriveled chuckle which caused you to smile a little, but your grin slowly faded as you continued. 

“When I rejected his offer, he got mad and began saying some-some really rude things,” you looked away and brought your knees in to meet your chest, wrapping yoru arms around them as you gazed at the window in the far-right corner of the room. Severus waited patiently not wanting to push you as he understood you’d struggle to continue your story. Your voice shrunk as you turned your attention back to him and began telling him what Sirius had said to you. “He called me a-a scummy little orphan girl,” you practically stumbled over your words as you tried to say them as quickly as possible, hoping the fast you spoke, the less pain you’d feel. But of course, that just wasn’t how it worked and naturally, you began feeling a sink of pain in your heart as you kept going, “and he said that I didn’t deserve to find love anyways,” your pitch increased as your tears returned. “He said that I was a traitor for being so close to you and that you would never care about me.”

“That’s not true!” Severus blurted out in sudden burst of anger. What did that git know about him anyways? Sirius had always hated him and for what? For wanting to be a Slytherin? He’d never even tried to talk to him and now he thinks he knows what kind of a friend he would be?

You looked back up at Severus as you wiped away your tears. You hadn’t expected such an abrupt reaction, though it comforted you to hear him disagree with the things Sirius had said to you. Severus paused and stared into your wide glossy eyes. “I-I just mean that, you are my friend (Y/N), I do care,” he said nervously, trying to clear the air of the awkwardness he’d created.

You slowly let go of your legs and leaned back against the wall as you smiled and thanked him for comforting you. “I’m just so tired of feeling alone,” you whispered. 

“You’re not alone,” he said, placing a hand on your shoulder. “Not anymore.” You looked up at him with a clear smile on your face as your tears dried up. No words could have comforted you more as all you’d ever wanted was to feel close enough to someone that they would be there by your side on your worst days. “Tell you what, how about we go to Hogsmeade together. I normally don’t go but I think we could have some fun.”

You were now beaming up at him as you eagerly nodded. “I’ve never gone, maybe you can show me around,” you spoke softly, still fragile from the state Sirius had left you in. 

Severus stood up and held out a hand to help you up as well. As you stood, you couldn’t help but lung at him, tightly wrapping your arms around his neck, feeling your heart flutter with warmth. “Thank you,” you whispered.

He gently hugged you back, content that he was able to help his friend in such a delicate moment.


	4. Hogsemeade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You enjoy a trip to Hogsemeade with Severus as your tour guide. You finish the day in the Three Broomsticks chatting.

Excitement ran through the common room as the morning of the first Hogsmeade trip had finally arrived. You eagerly got dressed, excited that you finally had someone to enjoy your day off with. The last four years, you’d always spent your free time curled up with a good book, and though you’d rather enjoyed the silence around the crackling fire in the common room, it was nice to finally be able to experience the village with a friend like everyone else. You made your way to the Great Hall for breakfast with your head in the clouds, trying to imagine what type of curious shops you’d get to explore with Severus. 

After breakfast, you made your way to the Entrance Hall where you were to meet Severus. As you approached the crowd of students that had gathered, you spotted a group of Slytherins, all immersed in deep conversation. You recognized Avery, Mulciber and Barlow. But as your eyes locked onto the boy with long raven locks, your smile began to fade. You were under the impression that Severus no longer involved himself with such a crowd, but you clearly had jumped the gun to make such an assumption, not realizing he still enjoyed their company.

Severus eventually saw you staring at him and immediately broke off from his group of friends, making his way to you. Your smile began to creep back on your face as you watched his hair bounce, perfectly framing his narrow face as he walked.

“Hey,” he greeted you with a smirk.

“Hey, yourself.” You nervously adjusted the strap over your shoulder as you looked up into his eyes.

“Excited to see the village?”

You nodded, forgetting about your previous concerns of the company Severus had surrounded himself with. “Where will we go?”

“Well most students tend to gravitate towards Zonko’s, Honeydukes and the Three Broomsticks. We can go to them if you like, but I was hoping to show you this old bookshop at the edge of the village.” Severus never visited Hogsmeade often, but when he did, he’d always make a habit of visiting that bookstore to browse any new arrivals, making note of any interesting titles in the hopes that he might be able to find a copy at a second hand shop over the summer once those who could afford new copies were done with it.

“Can we visit them all?” you asked eagerly. Obviously, you trusted him as a tour guide, and as your interest in books aligned well, you had no doubt that this shop would be phenomenal, but that didn’t mean you wanted to miss out any experience your fellow students got. You wanted to do everything everyone else did, visit every shop in the village if you could.

Severus scoffed at your excitement. “Sure,” he said as his smirk turned into a delicate smile. It wasn’t every day he’d find one of his friends this excited to visit shops at Hogsmeade, so it was refreshing and a bit amusing to see your enthusiasm.

You followed as he led the way down to the village, following the rest of the students. You first stopped at Zonko’s, and although you found some of the trinkets entertaining, it didn’t interest you enough to spend any money there. You then followed Severus to Honeydukes where you bought a few of your favorite sweets and even offered one to Severus, noticing him stuffing his hands in his pockets as he was unable to buy anything. Eventually, you found yourself in the Three Broomsticks. Severus considered taking you to the Hog’s Head instead as it was more his scene, but decided that since it was your first time in the village, it would be more appropriate to take you to a cleaner pub.

“That bookshop was amazing! I wish I had visited it sooner,” you said as you thanked him for the wonderful day you’ve had. “It’s too bad everything in there is so expensive.”

“Yeah, it’s why I don’t go there often unless I just want to browse,” he said regrettably. “I can only afford things from the clearance section, which never seems to have a very good selection.”

“One day, we will have enough money to buy whatever books we want,” you said with dreamy eyes. He gave a small chuckle at your optimism, but could clearly tell that you knew all too well what it was like to yearn over things you couldn’t afford to buy.

“You’re so sure of yourself.”

“Of course I am, how can I not be when I know how brilliant you are! And I,” you said confidently, “will play for the National English Quidditch Team one day.”

“Is that so?”

“Yup,” you chuckled at the little fantasy world you had just created, realizing how farfetched it was, especially when you had also imagined yourself living with the boy sitting across from you. It was an absurd dream, you knew that, especially when you’d received absolutely no indication that he’d be interested in you. But one can dream right?

You thanked the waitress as she brought you your butterbeers and gave her three sickles while Severus paid for his own. He watched as you took a big gulp from your drink.

“Blimey!” you said after wiping your mouth. “It’s really good.” you took another sip from your drink as Severus watched you enjoy yourself, delighted he was able to bring a smile to your face.

“So, did you really say those things to Black when he asked you out?” Severus asked.

You paused for a second, your simile fading as you remembered the events that had occurred a few weeks ago with Sirius. You were disappointed with Severus as you had managed to keep your mind off of the things Sirius said to you until now.

“Yeah,” you tried to keep yourself together, but Severus could hear a bit of sadness in your voice. “Yeah, I was mad that he thought I could just dismiss the way he treated me the past year.”

“He deserved worse if you ask me,” Severus took a sip of his own drink as you saw the look of mischief in his eyes. “You should have hexed him.”

You giggled at his criticism of the way you handled the situation. At least he was trying to cheer you up, at least, that’s what you hoped his intention with that comment was. “Well it’s never too late for that. What did you have in mind?”

Severus raised an eyebrow, surprised that you had humored him, wondering if you were serious. You both chatted a while, laughing at the thought of hexing the boys that gave you both so much trouble. Of course, you were never considering performing these charms on them as you didn’t believe in reciprocating bullying, but it was still fun to think about getting back at them in such a way.

After finishing your drinks, you walked around the streets for a while before heading back to the castle, chatting over various topics. As you were about to part ways, you gave Severus a quick hug and thanked him for today. He gently hugged you back and told you it was no trouble before you both made your way back to your dorms, feeling content with the day you’ve had.


	5. The Spy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Upset that Quidditch is taking your time away from Severus, you ask him to accompany you to your practice which doesn’t go over well with your teammates.

As the term progressed, you found that Quidditch began taking up more and more of your time which in all honesty, did not please you in the slightest. Normally, you’d jump at the opportunity to wiz around on a broom stick, leaving any troubles on the ground where you’d taken off, but the weight of your O.W.Ls had you concerned as each day went by. You weren’t an exceptional student in class. Though you enjoyed reading, studying really wasn’t something you were too fond of. It was only when you’d met Severus that you’d come to understand the joy of problem solving in potions or the excitement when you’d perfect a spell. It wasn’t until you had someone to study with that you began to feel a sense of familiarity in your books, and Quidditch was taking away what little time you had to prepare for your exams.

It wasn’t easy on Severus neither as he’d found himself feeling quiet upset the more you’d cancel your study sessions, telling him your team captain had called another last minute practice. It wasn’t fair. He’d just gotten to find someone in this school with half a mind to actually challenge his knowledge, he didn’t want to go back to studying alone, not when you both worked so well together.

You looked over at the clock hanging about Slughorn’s desk. Seven minutes to the end of class. Seven minutes till you were forced to disappoint Severus yet again. Though he’d never verbally stated his irritation when you’d cancel on him, you could still sense it by the way he’d awkwardly shift in his seat, averting your gaze as his brows furrowed. His body language had progressively sent you rather aggressive tones lately and it had you quivering in your seat as you thought about how you’d break the news to him this time. Once class was dismissed, you took your time packing your bag, but you knew you couldn’t stall forever. As you finished packing, you looked up to find Severus already beside you.

“Ready to head to the library?” he asked.

“Umm,” you looked down at your bag, feeling your heart race faster as you tried to find the courage you needed to look him in the eye.

“You have Quidditch again don’t you?” His voice was harsh. You hadn’t even looked up yet and you could already tell he was upset.

“I’m sorry, I really wish I didn’t.”

He said nothing in response as he stared at you before simply nodding his head and turning away in anger. It was hard to see him look at you as if you’d betrayed him. You couldn’t have the one person you’d grown close to be this upset with you, not without doing everything you could to fix your clashing schedule.

Without realizing what you were doing, you grabbed his arm, “Come with me,” you said.

“What?” he looked at you puzzled, as if you’d just asked him to go hunting for unicorns in the forbidden forest. What exactly were you suggesting?

“Come watch me play. Or you can read a book. Just come with me.”

“(Y/N), I very much doubt I’d be welcome. Its fine, I get it, you care more about Quidditch,” his cold tone took you back. You knew he would be upset, but you never expected him to jump to such a conclusion.

“What, no! Severus that’s not true and you know it! Just come watch me play. Please!” you were desperate for him to agree now. You couldn’t have him thinking you didn’t value his friendship. He had to agree to come with you, if only for the sack of understanding you did care. “I don’t want you to think I’m abandoning you. Besides, you’re not on Slytherin’s Quidditch team, so I don’t see why anyone would have a problem.”

You gave him a smile, staring at him with such hopeful eyes, waiting for a response. It was clear to Severus why the sorting hat placed you in Gryffindor now, solely based on your compulsive need to assume the best in others. A Slytherin wouldn’t have made such an assumption and a Ravenclaw would have too much wit to claim no issues would come if he were to attend another teams Quidditch Practice. Perhaps you would have suited Hufflepuff, but even they wouldn’t have been so daring to make such an offer to him. No, only a Gryffindor would have done such a thing, yet one of the many reasons he was never very fond of them. He took a moment to think before answering.

“Fine. But you’re delusional if you think your teammates won’t have a problem with any Slytherin watching your practice.”

You just smiled and looked at him with complete optimism. If anything negative was said about his presence, you were sure you’d be able to convince the team (or at least your Captain) he was no threat. Both of you left the classroom and made your way towards the Quidditch stadium.

Once you arrived, Severus went to find a seat and you made your way to the changing room. As you stepped through the door, you noticed only a few were left strapping their boots while everyone else, presumably, had already finished changing and were no down zooming around the pitch. With the hope you wouldn’t hold everyone up, you quickly made your way to the back and pulled aside the curtain and quickly got dressed. Just as you had finished changing, James walked back into the changing room, broom in hand.

“We’ve got a Slytherin spy outside,” he said.

“What?” said Caroline.

“Snape, he’s outside, just sitting there.”

“I invited him,” you intervened quickly, concerned about the tones that carried in their voices.

“You what??” said Caroline, her eyes widened in surprise. Clearly, you’d underestimated just how intimidating she could be as you felt that fire in your gut, ready to argue slowly extinguish. “Why would you invite a Slytherin to watch our practice? You realize he’ll just go running to his team and tell them what he saw.”

“He won’t. He’s my friend,” you responded.

“He can’t stay!” James replied with furry echoing through his voice “You’re a traitor (Y/N)! I can’t believe you would invite a spy to watch our practice.”

“He’s not a spy! I told you he’s not. He won’t tell anyone about our practice!”

“He can’t stay (Y/N)” Caroline intervened, trying to take back control of the situation. “Now either you can go tell him to leave, or you can leave this team.”

You couldn’t believe the words coming out of Caroline’s mouth. It angered you to see how your teammates were treating Severus, as if he was the enemy. Quickly debating your options, you realized that your choice was obvious. You couldn’t leave the team as you really loved Quidditch and had a real chance at becoming captain, perhaps even pursuing a career in the sport after graduation. But how will Severus feel when you told him he had to go? He warned you this would happen, that he wouldn’t be allowed to watch, but you didn’t listen.

You decided that now was not the time to fight against the stereotypes that came with each Hogwarts house. Gryffindor was counting on you and you couldn’t let your entire house down.

“Fine,” you said aggressively as you grabbed your broom and stormed out of the changing room to make your way towards Severus. You felt like your heart had just been split in two and here you were about to disappoint Severus. Again.

“Severus?” you whispered cautiously.

Severus looked up from his book and saw the somber look on your face. He got up and sighed.

“They told you I had to go, didn’t they?”

You looked down at your feet in shame. “I’m sorry,” you replied, your voice smaller than before. Severus shook his head as he packed up, about to make his exit. 

“Listen, will you meet me by the lake after practice?” You looked back up at him with the same hopeful eyes you gave him earlier. “Please,” you added.

Severus squinted at you, searching your face. He took a moment before responding. “Sure,” he said.

You gave him a weak smile. At least you could try to make it up to him after practice. “I’ll see you soon then,” you said before going to grab your broom and rejoin your team.


	6. Rants By The Lake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a horrible Quidditch practice, you meet Severus by the lake as promised and begin venting.

Pushing open the doors, you quickly made your way back to the changing room in a fit of rage as you desperately began searching for your things. Your bag had always been easy to spot as it was rather old, not to mention the fact it was bought from a second-hand muggle shop rather than from the various wizarding shops all your team mates had acquired theirs. But the anger that blurred your vision right now made it much more difficult to easily spot it. Nevertheless, you still managed to find it and instantly ran to the back of the room, harshly pulling the curtain shut behind you as you tore open your duffle, grabbing your uniform to change as fast as you could.

Practice was an absolute wreck for you. You’d never imagined in your life you’d hate flying a broom, chasing after the quaffle, but today had proven that your love for Quidditch wouldn’t combat the hatred that came with the toxic environment you’d felt today. The intense your feet lifted from the ground as you joined the rest of your teammates in the air, you could feel the tension as it seemed none of them were happy about you extending an invitation to a Slytherin to watch your practice. Many had agreed with James when he called you a traitor and even went as far as to purposely ignore you during practice, making it really hard for you to participate and support them.

Quickly stuffing your Quidditch uniform into your duffle, you sat down on the bench, staring at the bright velvet curtain separating you from the rest of the world. Closing your eyes, you did your best to gather yourself before going to pull away the curtain, facing those who’d seemed to have decided you were no longer fit to play on their team. But as soon as your shoulders relaxed, your guard slowly dimensioning, the bubble of emotion deep in your gut finally exploded. Clapping your hands over your mouth, you muffled your cries as tears streamed down your face. It was hard. This team, Gryffindor house was the closest thing you had to family, but Severus, you’d never felt so close, so comfortable with someone before. Being around him made you feel like you finally belonged at Hogwarts, so it was hard to hear such horrible things about him, about your friendship with him.

Whipping away your tears, you took a deep breath before throwing your bag over your shoulders and pulling the curtain aside. You couldn’t bare to look at anyone directly in the fear that they would see their harsh comments and sharp attitude had cut you deeply. Keeping your head low, you pushed your way towards the exit and began sprinting to the lake, knowing exactly where you’d find Severus.

As you approached the tree atop the hill past the lake, you found him peacefully reading a book as though the events that had aspired on the pitch earlier that afternoon had never happened. Severus looked up when he heard someone heading towards him and saw the angry look on your face. Knowing you were probably about to vent to him, he put his book away and waited for you to take your place beside him.

Once you reached him, you threw your bag on the ground and collapsed against the tree, ready to let out all your woes and sorrows to the boy next to you.

“You were right. I just don’t understand what the big deal is. Why is there so much hate between Gryffindor and Slytherin? And why do they all play into it!” you were red in the face, ready to let out all your frustration.

“What happened?” he asked you.

You told him everything, from the moment James walked into the changing room, to the dirty looks your teammates gave you. Realizing you’d gone off for far too long, you paused and let out a deep sigh, surprised to see him patiently listening rather than give you the lengthy ‘I told you so’ you’d been expecting.

“I’m sorry Severus. I really don’t want to abandon you like the way I have been over the last few weeks.” You had managed to calm yourself down as you finished your rant, speaking to him in a sympathetic tone. “I thought that if you could watch our practices, we could at least be around each other. I just don’t know what to do.”

Severus peered over at you as you kept your gaze on the ground and saw the frown on your face, perfectly emulating the disappointment you felt. It was in that moment he’d realized you meant what well by your actions today and despite your gullible views, you simply wanted to balance the time you spent together with Quidditch. And all he’d done to help was enforce the stereotype that Quidditch players were full of themselves, against everything he’d known about you.

“You don’t have to choose between me and quidditch (Y/N). I understand it’s what you like to do, and you are good at it,” his soft tone had brought your attention back to him,” I shouldn’t have snapped at you after class today. I’m sorry about that.” He gave you a compassionate look, one you’d never thought him capable of giving.

“It’s okay Sev,” you smiled at him as you watched him shift in his spot. You could tell admitting his faults was not something he did often which made his apology that much more heartwarming.

“If you asked me to pick between you and potions, I also wouldn’t know what to do.”

You laughed at his comparison, leaving you with a smile on your face, content that he wasn’t angry with you.

“Tell you what, how about we move our study sessions to the mornings? We can meet up early and head to breakfast a bit late,” he suggested.

“I’d love that,” you replied, smiling even wider than before. “So how was your day?” you asked with a bit of sarcasm in your tone.

He smirked at your question. “Clearly better than yours,” you chuckled at his response. “I’ve just been reading here while you were at practice.”

“Anything good?”

He went on to tell you about the book he’s been reading, which turned out to be another Dark Arts book, no surprise to you.

“I tried talking to Lily a few days ago,” Severus had abruptly changed the topic as your previous conversation died down. Your stomach began doing flips at the sound of her name and your smile slowly faded. 

“Oh? What did she say?” you responded politely as your gaze shifted towards the lake. You really had no interest in hearing about him whine over this girl who clearly didn’t have the inclination to return his feelings. It seemed obvious to everyone but him; Lily never had any real interest in him and had shifted her attention to others the second they were sorted into separate houses.

“She’s still not bothered by Potter’s advances even though I keep telling her he’s bad company.”

“I’m guessing she brought up your Slytherin friends again?”

“Yeah,” his tone showed disappointment and the expression on his face turned sour. The problem, he felt, wasn’t even that she’d disapproved of his friends. He’d cut ties with them if that’s what it took. The real issue was he knew she wouldn’t have it if she found out he shared similar interests with them as he found a sense of purpose when dabbling into the unknown of the dark arts.

“Sev, I know it’s not my place,” you said nervously, “but if Lily has no interest in being your friend, then why are you so adamant on chasing her?” You had to speak up. It was hard enough seeing him sulk over this childhood friend, but having to listen to him go on like this was just too much.

Severus looked at you wide eyed, surprised at your sudden change in position as you had never spoken up when he would complain about his demolishing relationship with Lily before. He’d always assumed your silence meant you were just as struck back as he was by Lily’s attitude towards their friendship, but clearly he’d been wrong and you were simply just holding your tongue. 

“I just think that real friends should care about each other and make an effort in their friendship. From what you’ve told me, it sounds like Lily is distancing herself from you, clearly not wanting to meet you halfway.”

“That doesn’t mean she doesn’t want to be friends!” Severus had become angry at your comments, not wanting to admit there was some truth in what you were saying, but how could you sit back and watch this when you had the power to help him step away from what seemed to you like a toxic relationship.

“Look, it’s up to you on how you want to approach this. I’m just saying, if I were in your place, and someone was treating me the way Lily is you, I wouldn’t want to be their friend.”

Severus stared at you with a cold expression on his face. He couldn’t believe you had suggested ending his friendship with Lily. What say did you have in this anyways? You didn’t know Lily like he did, nor were you told of how much he cared for her.

Reading the expression on his face, you could tell he didn’t take your suggestions to heart. In fact, it may have even damaged your own relationship with him. “I’m sorry Sev, I didn’t mean to overstep. Just forget I said anything,” you quickly tried to backtrack, hoping it was enough for him to let go of any anger he currently felt towards you. 

Severus responded with silence as you awkwardly tried to change the subject again, bringing up your new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor and how she didn’t seem to know an awful lot about the Dark Arts. The rest of the evening went a lot cooler as you sat under the tree and talked till nightfall. 

As you both made your way back to the castle, Severus couldn’t help but think over what you had said to him about Lily. Was it true? Was she truly distancing herself from him, not wanting to be friends anymore? His thoughts eventually shifted to his friendship with you and how reliable you were to him despite your treacherous Quidditch schedule. He began to admire the way you spoke to him and always listened whenever he talked to you about anything, even if you didn’t agree with his perspective, you always gave him a chance, you’d made that quite clear today when you’d blurted your opinion on his friendship with Lily. You were so patient and caring, he was unsure why you had ever decided to befriend him. Nevertheless, he was thankful for it and hoped that your friendship would continue to grow.


	7. A True Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After an argument between you, Severus and Sirius, Severus can’t help but return to his old ways, thinking you would be better off without him. Sirius decides to torment you a little more, bringing you to your limit as you finally break down. You are surprised however by the way Severus handles the situation as he stands by your side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Swearing, Bullying, Nudity

After what happened during your last practice, many of your team members treated you with a cold shoulder, shooting you dirty looks in the common room, pretending like you didn’t exist when they’d practice. Caroline had to call a team meeting one night just to clear the air which in all honesty, made you feel all the more guilty as they were now being forced to ‘play nice’ as your captain put it. But worst of all, James had blabbed to all his friends about what happened, leading them to join him on his mission to enlighten the rest of the house of your ‘betrayal’.

Sirius treated you worst of all. Every time he saw you, he be sure to throw some sort of snarky comment about your friendship with Severus. You knew it was only a matter of time before you snapped, but you did your best to ignore them all. It didn’t matter what they said. You stood by your choice as any friendship you had, whether with a Slytherin or not, was way more important than some toxic competitive tendencies some of these student’s insisted on keeping as tradition. 

After class, you and Severus made your way towards the lake. Though it was getting a bit cold to spend hours at a time outside, It was the quietest place you could find where you had the smallest chance of being interrupted while you studied together. 

“Hey there (Y/N). Out for a stroll around the lake with your slimy boyfriend?” you had almost made it to your usual spot when Sirius had caught up to you.

You sighed as you turned around and took a step towards him. Must he press your buttons when you had three scrolls to write for Defense, two scrolls for Transfigurations and practice Reparo for your Charms exam in two days? “We are just friends Sirius, please just leave us alone.”

“Why would I do that (Y/N) when you clearly need reminding of what house you belong to. See these colors,” he said as he stepped forward, hooking his fingers under your tie just enough to lift it from under your sweater with one quick tug, “these colors represent Gryffindor, not Slytherin.”

Suddenly you felt an arm pull you back. “Leave her alone Black,” Severus had drawn his wand and pointed it straight at Sirius’ throat. 

“Severus don’t!” you said to him, not wanting to escalate the situation. But it was too late, Sirius had drawn out his wand as well, pointing it back at Severus.

“Listen to her Snivellus. Or better yet, just walk away and leave us to talk, you know, Gryffindor to Gryffindor,” Sirius smirked as he watched Severus with a sharp eye. 

“Stop it! Both of you! What is wrong with you both! Put your bloody wands down!” you had stepped between them, looking at them back and forth, trying to decide which one was more of a danger to the other. 

“Get out of the way (Y/N) unless you want to be hexed as well,” replied Sirius angrily. Had it really come down to such petty fights? Were you condemned to constantly step between Severus and the rest of Gryffindor?

“Sirius please just leave!” he didn’t move or even look at you as you spoke. “LEAVE!” you Shouted, finally catching his attention as you felt your last strip of patience slowly snap in two. 

He slowly lowered his wand as he saw the angry look on your face. His gaze moved from you to Severus who still had his wand pointed at Sirius. You took another step to the right, placing yourself directly in Severus’ line of fire, hoping it would be enough for him to lower his guard as Sirius had done.

“Fine. You want to choose that plonker over your own house?” he slowly started walking backwards as he put away his wand. “You’ll regret it (Y/N),” he said before turning around and sprinting towards the castle. 

You turned to look at Severus and saw that he still had his wand in his hand, his face flush white. “Severus, put your wand away.”

Your words snapped him back to reality and he shot you a dirty look. “Why do you still talk to me?” he said coldly. He’d been clashing with Potter and Black since that first train ride to Hogwarts, yet he could never remember them being so crude to Lily when they saw him together. Sure, their blunt attitudes were brought out with his other friends, but they were all Slytherins, unlike you. He knew they would never treat you this way if it wasn’t for him, so why were you still insisted on being around him when all it brought you was misery?

“We’ve talked about this Severus, I don’t care what they think”

But Severus wasn’t convinced. “You still haven’t learned have you? I would have thought what happened with your Quidditch team would have taught you a lesson, but clearly you are just as thick as the rest of them” he felt sick as he could feel his mind returning to that dark place of his, the one that wouldn’t dare let anyone, not even a friend come near him. His guard had gone up and his defensive, rude tone emulated all the pain his bullies had put him through. A tone you hadn’t heard directed your way since last year. 

He had turned to walk away from you, but you quickly ran in front of him. “I am so sick of you treating me this way!” he could see the anger fuming from your face. “When will you get it through your thick head that I don’t give a damn about the school houses! None of this will matter anyways when we graduate will it! But friendships can last forever if you want them to.” You paused to look him in the eye before you continued. He was looking right back at you, wide eyed, taken back by your outburst. You’d finally snapped, but it wasn’t at one of your aggressors like you’d imagined. You’d snapped at the only real friend you thought you had.

“Look Severus,” you continued in a calmer tone. “I’m only going say this one more time. I think you’re brilliant, and I enjoy spending time with you. I want to be your friend Severus, but if you’re so adamant on pushing me away, then fine. I won’t bother you”

You looked at him waiting for him to say something, anything at all would do, anything to show you he agreed, that he wanted to remain friends. But that moment never came. You shook your head angrily before you turned to leave. But just as you were about to take a step forward, you felt a firm grip around your arm pull you back. 

“Don’t leave,” you heard him whisper. You both stood there looking at each other for a while, neither of you sure of what to say next, before you moved your gaze to the ground, the awkward tension becoming a little too much. As you remembered why you were out by the lake in the first place, you looked back up at him and gestured for Severus to follow you to your spot. You spent the next few hours together barely speaking a word to each other as you studied. At least he hadn’t pushed you away. It was a minor improvement, but progress nonetheless.

Besides, the quite finally allowed you to focus on your studies as you found yourself surprisingly able to cover a lot of material, helping you feel more at ease about taking your O.W.Ls at the end of the school year.

You’d woken up the next morning unable to get your mind off of what happened the evening before. The more you replayed Siruis’ words, Severus’ actions, the angrier you became. It was hard to stop thinking about it, even as you sat here in the library next to Severus, the tension between you both, unlifted, you just couldn’t focus on the words in front of you as your mind kept brining you back to that moment you stood with two wands pointed at you. 

The squeak of your chair echoed down the long length of the library halls as you leaned back, the quiet you’d been sitting in the last half hour was eating you alive. As you did yesterday, you had barely spoken two words to Severus, you mouth clamping shut each time you thought of breaking the silence. Finally, after what felt like decades, Severus closed his book and began packing up. He wouldn’t look your way, nor did he speak, but you knew he’d meant for you to follow his lead so you could both head to the Great Hall for breakfast.

Alright that’s it, enough was enough. You couldn’t bare the awkwardness anymore, you had to try and restore what you once had.

“H-have you managed to prefect your mending charm yet?” Ironic how you’d asked him about a spell that fixed broken items when you were essentially trying to do the same with your friendship.

Severus nodded without speaking a word, his eyes following the trail of stone tiles leading to the Great Hall.

“Well, I can’t get it quite right. Every time I try and mend the jar we were given to practice on, a piece just cracks and falls off. Think you could help me with it after class?” you looked up at him, hoping your attempt at breaking the ice had managed to at least dent the tension.

“Sure,” he said as you both joined the herd of student’s entering the Hall. Smiling, you branched off from Severus and set yourself down at the Gryffindor Table, waiting for breakfast to begin. 

Once all the food had disappeared, you stood up and found Severus walking towards you. He may be silent, but at least he’d been making the effort to move forward. You both made your way to your first class of the day, a few words exchanged as you continued your frenzied mission of retrieving what you once had with him.

As you were in deep thought, concentrating on expanding the small talk you held with Severus into something a little more engaging, you’d neglected to notice the mysterious figures peering around the corner. As soon as you turned down the hall, towards the classroom, you felt a wet thick goo cover you head to toe. You stood there open mouthed in shock as you felt it leave a greasy trail as it dropped down your hair and on your back. The hood of your uniform caught some of the gooey substance and you only prayed your textbooks were untouched in your bag right now. Once you wiped your face of the greasy slime so your vision wasn’t completely blurred, you turned around to find the perpetrator only to see none other than Sirius accompanied by James walking towards you. 

“They say couples start to look alike. We thought we would give you a head start,” said Sirius. 

“All you need now as some Slytherin robes,” laughed James. 

You started to hear footsteps coming towards you and assumed the boys heard them too as they suddenly stopped laughing and paused before James spoke once again. “Come on, let’s go before someone catches us.” He pulled Sirius along with him as he walked away. 

“(Y/N), are you okay?” you heard Severus say as you struggled to remove the slime off you. 

You shock your head as you felt tears run down your cheek. Deciding to skip Arithmancy, Severus took your hand and led you to the nearest bathroom. Lucky enough, it turned out to be Moaning Myrtle’s bathroom, who seemed to have been away at the moment, so it was completely empty. 

Severus started muttering the vanishing charm to get rid of the slime that had now begun to burn the skin that it touched. Even when he was done however, you were still covered in a thin layer of grease. 

“Perhaps you should head to the washroom near your dorm and take a bath” he said to you.

You felt no inclination to step outside those doors. You could barely even muster up the strength to open your eyes. You felt humiliated and unsafe. Why would your own housemates do this, treat you this way, all because they thought you shouldn’t be friends with a Slytherin? That wasn’t fair. Instead of making any sort of attempt to clean yourself off, you slowly sank to the floor and began sobbing. 

Severus looked at you a moment, hesitating, before heading over to the old bath, unused for what he could only assume a few decades and turning on the water and soap which created a nice thick foam that smelled of lavender. Once the water had reached an appropriate level, he turned it off and walked back towards you, grabbing your arm to help you up. 

“Come on (Y/N), you have to wash out that grease okay?” Severus didn’t want to force you into the water, but he just couldn’t bare seeing you this way. He had to get you clean one way or another. It was the only thing he could think of that would cheer you up.

You heard the concern in his voice and understood he was trying to help you, which, in all honesty, surprised you as he had never shown so much care for you before. You calmed down as finally stood and took a step towards the bath. You removed your outer robe and threw it on the floor, but before you continued, you glanced at Severus who then turned his back on you to give you some privacy.

You finished undressing and stepped into the water, the foam covering you neck down. When Severus heard the splash of the water, he asked if he could turn around. You managed to whisper a small yes as you brought your knees up to your chest, hugging your chest in comfort. Severus removed his outer robe and came to stand behind you. He rolled up his sleeves and scooped up some soap, beginning to lather your scalp. 

Silent tears were falling on your cheeks as you closed your eyes. It felt nice to have someone take care of you like this, but it didn’t make the reality of what happened any easier. You both sat there in silence, Severus now washing the length of your hair before he finally spoke. 

“(Y/N), I-”

“Don’t Severus. Don’t you dare make me repeat what I said to you yesterday.” Your voice was filled with sadness, yet Severus could have sworn he heard some anger mixed in as well. You knew what he was going to say, you knew he was going to tell you that you shouldn’t be friends and that you were better off without him in your life.

“It’s because of me they treat you this way (Y/N),” he whispered. “No one would be treating you like this if you never spoke to me in that train compartment last year.”

“I’m not having this discussion again, I told you yesterday I don’t care what they do, so drop it.”

“You were crying (Y/N), you sure seem to care when they poured that slime all over you.”

“Because it hurts Severus. To be treated this way, to see you treated this way. That doesn’t mean I care what they think.”

“You don’t deserve this.”

“Neither do you.”

Severus finished with your hair and instructed you to dunk your head so that your face could be washed as well. He then turned away, allowing you to get up. You rummaged through your clothing and saw that the only thing not covered in grease were your undergarments. So you put them on, then reached for the outer robes that Severus had taken off. You gathered the rest of your clothing and walked towards him. 

“Do you mind if I borrow this,” you said tugging on the robe over your shoulder, “just until I can get some fresh clothing from my dorm?” 

He nodded his head and left the bathroom with you. You managed to avoid anyone who would recognize you as you knew that if anyone caught you in Slytherin robes, you would never hear the end of it. You made your way into your dorm and quickly changed into some new robes, sending off your old ones to be washed. Once you emerged from the common room, you handed Severus back his robe and he put it back on. 

As he debated where you should both go now seeing how it was too late to go to class, he was suddenly taken aback when you flung your arms around him, clinging yourself to him and whispering thank you. He hesitated before wrapping his arms around you in return. This was the first time Severus had felt like a real friend to you, the first time he had gone out of his way for you and despite the events leading up to this moment, you were glad that you could finally call him a true friend.


	8. Gryffindor vs. Hufflepuff

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your first game of the season commences as the stress of the school year continues to way down on you.

Though Caroline’s obsession with winning had greatly intensified as the first game of the season approached, you were at least happy to see the teams focus shift off of you and your so called ‘betrayal’. She began training the team harder than before, having everyone, including yourself feeling just about ready to dose her morning pumpkin juice with a sleeping draught. You went to bed every night exhausted beyond belief, finding it really hard to muster up the energy you needed to get up early to meet with Severus. 

No one seemed to be talking about anything but your upcoming game against Hufflepuff as the score between you two was very tight last year. The game you played last year was the longest you’d ever taken part of, and possibly even longest in a few decades, lasting a record-breaking twenty-one hours. You’d even heard rumors of the Headmaster debating with the head of houses if classes should be postponed or if putting the game on hold would be a better approach. Thankfully James caught the snitch just as Hufflepuff had brought their score a hundred and forty above yours, which meant you’d only won be ten points. Still it was enough to win you the Quidditch cup, so you’d never thought about how close the score really was, until now that is.

Neither team had changed their members much, so the anticipation to see who would prevail this time was tremendous. Caroline had informed your team that Hufflepuff only had two new members; a chaser in his fourth year, and a seeker who was only in second year. James scoffed at the idea of being beat by a second year, but Caroline was quick to tell him not to underestimate the young badger. 

Personally, you were just glad that your first game wasn’t against Slytherin as they were always the most aggressive team and always left you feeling sore for two weeks straight. Not even the game against Hufflepuff last year left you feeling unable to carry your own weight the next day. 

“Captains, please step forward and shake hands,” you watched as Caroline and Hufflepuff’s captain approached the center of the pitch and did as instructed. A friendly handshake was exchanged before they both walked back to join their teams.

As soon as they took their place in formation, Madam Hooch asked both teams to mount their brooms. You kicked off at the sound of her whistle and watched as the new Hufflepuff chaser caught the quaffle and flew towards the Gryffindor hoops. 

Determined to prove your worth, you went after him a few feet below everyone else, hoping to catch him off guard. As you got closer, you began to gain height and quickly made your way towards him. When you flew up and shoved him to knock him off balance, he stumbled and the quaffle flew from his hands as he didn’t previously sense your presence. You caught it and made a sharp turn, heading towards the other side of the pitch.

“FANTASTIC STEAL MADE BY (Y/L/N) AS SHE HEADS TO THE HUFFLEPUFF HOOPS!” the commentator seemed more eager compared to your last game.

As you made your way over, you saw a bludger heading your way, but Caroline managed to intercept it, directing it towards a chaser who had intended on blocking your path. When you saw a clearing towards your left, you turned and quickly threw the quaffle at the unprotected hoop. 

“AND (Y/L/N) TAKES THE HONOR OF MAKING THE FIRST GOAL OF THE GAME. TEN TO ZERO FOR GRYFFINDOR!”

You kept your focus on the quaffle as you did everything you could to intercept the opposing chasers. You noticed that the new chaser had a knack for flying a little too high which allowed you to sneak up on him quite a lot, causing an uproar from Gryffindor every time you stole the quaffle. The Hufflepuffs were tremendously good team players as they worked very well together, however, your team’s ambition and determination helped even the odds. 

An hour into the game left both teams neck and neck as the score was a hundred and sixty to a hundred and thirty for Gryffindor. You were beginning to feel terribly exhausted and desperately needed the game to be over. Your focus began to drift to James, praying he would catch the snitch soon. You noticed Caroline getting more anxious as the game went on and she began shouting at James to end it. 

Just as you had lost all hope that the game would ever end, you noticed the Hufflepuff seeker dive towards the base of the podium.

“JAMES!” you shouted, pointing at the young badger who you assumed had spotted the snitch. 

James immediately flew towards her as he struggled to catch up. Even with one of the old school brooms, James had always managed to outfly every student who’d ever flown, but you could tell he was really struggling to fly fast enough to reach the snitch before the other seeker. Even with a broom as powerful as his, you just weren’t sure he’s speed was enough. But despite your doubts, James still managed to circle the arena as everyone had their eyes glued to the two seekers that seemed to intertwine with one another while they continued diving down, flying around the podium. 

You heard a collective gasp from the crowd as both seekers hit the ground hard, stumbling on top of each other. You watched with anticipation as Madam Hooch blew her whistle, signifying the end of the game. 

“Who caught it?” you heard Caroline say, not really directing her question towards anyone. It seemed everyone had the same question on their minds as you joined the others slowly flying towards the bottom of the podium. 

As you flew down, seeing the sour look on James’ face, it became evident who had ended the game. Your eyes widened in horror as you turned to look at Caroline. It was clear that she was furious they had lost the game, and although you felt bad for James as he was about to get an earful from your captain, you couldn’t help but feel just as disappointed after you had tried so hard to win your first game. 

“HUFFLEPUFF WINS TWO-HUNDRED AND EIGHTY TO ONE-HUNDRED AND SIXTY! WHAT A TREMENDOUS COME BACK! WHAT A N ASTOUNDING CATCH FROM THEIR NEW SEEKER!”

The Hufflepuffs all cheered when the commentator announced the final score, but all the noise around you became muffled as the loss of your first game began to sink in. You dismounted and joined your teammates as you all made your way to the changing rooms, awaiting the angry speech you all knew was coming. 

Just as you got to the doors, you all paused and turned to see Caroline angrily rushing towards James as she pushed him up against the wall and began shouting at him. You quickly ran towards them, accompanied by two of your other teammates as you all attempted to pull Caroline off of him.

“Caroline, calm down, please!” you said trying to deescalate the situation. “Let’s go to the changing rooms, we can talk there!”

Caroline kept her gaze locked on James as one of your teammates escorted him to the changing rooms while you helped keep her back. Once James was out of sight you turned to her and saw her face brushed red with rage. 

“Caroline, I know you’re mad and I get it, but it won’t help anyone if you attack James like that,” you had both hands on her shoulders, trying to calm her down as you spoke. 

“You don’t understand (Y/N), this is not going to look good for recruiters!” She was speaking in a panicked voice, her tone scared you as you’d never heard her talk like this before. 

“We still have two more games. We can make up the loss if we try hard enough,” you were trying to be optimistic, but you knew that winning the cup was going to be very difficult now as you had fallen a hundred and twenty points behind Hufflepuff and there was no way they weren’t going to win their next two games.

Caroline closed her eyes, taking a deep breath before she nodded in agreement. As she opened her eyes, she told you to join the rest of the team and ask them to stay put as she thought about their options. At least you’d managed to calm her down, though you had a feeling you’d surely regret the advice you’d just given her.

After changing, you waited for almost twenty minutes before Caroline entered the changing room. Silence immediately fell as all eyes turned to her, waiting to see what she would do or say next. You peered over at James who had been hanging his head in shame, not wanting to speak to anyone, and saw the fear in his eyes. 

“Today was a tremendous lose,” began Caroline. “But as (Y/N) pointed out to me, we still have two more games to play and a lot of points to make up for. I’m scheduling practices on the weekends, and we will work until Gryffindor is back on top.”

Everyone groaned at the news of having to give up their weekends. Your shoulders fell as you began to feel the stress of exams creeping up on you. How were you going to balance studying with Quidditch if Caroline was going to force you to practice on weekends now too?

“Get some rest and eat well. I’ll see you all tomorrow,” and with that, she dismissed you all as she went to get changed herself. 

Letting out a heavy sigh, you threw the strap of your duffle over your shoulder and made your exit. You dragged yourself away from the stadium, towards the black lake where you were to meet Severus. Each step felt heavy as you found yourself dragging your feet. Clearly todays lose weighed heavier on you than you’d previously imagined. You were never one for showing house-spirit, but you’d always taken pride in your contribution to win the House Cup, earning house points the best way you knew how; through your monumental skills in Quidditch.

“You played well,” he said as you approached him. 

“Clearly not well enough,” you mumbled after sitting beside him under your tree. Severus had yet to experience your mood after losing a Quidditch match, but after seeing the look on your face, he knew it would take a lot to cheer you up.

“Last time I checked you were a chaser, not a seeker.”

You scoffed and rubbed your face in your hands before looking back up at him. It was a shame Potter hadn’t managed to bottle up his ego today and finish the game a little sooner rather than trying to show off on that broom of his. He always seemed to love gloating, acting like some famous Quidditch player that the crowd couldn’t get enough of and it wasn’t fair that you had to pay the price for his need to for attention.

“Caroline’s making us practice on the weekends now. I don’t think we will ever hear the end of it. If James doesn’t step up his game, he might not live to graduate because she will probably kill him.” You could tell your little hypothetical amused Severus as smile tugged on the corner of his lips.

“Well, it’s not like you’d be losing much if she did.” You could see that Severus was enjoying the predicament that James had gotten himself in, but you no longer had the energy to defend him as his arrogance in underestimating the Hufflepuff seeker cost you a great deal today.

“At least one good thing came out of this,” you said quietly, feeling guilty about what you were about to say next. “I don’t think Caroline will want to consider James as captain anymore. As long as I keep up what I’m doing, I think I have a real shot at the position.”

Severus smiled and praised you for your efforts during the game. “You did really well today. I’ve never seen you play so well.” He truly did mean the words he spoke. He’d in fact, did his best to focus on you, partly as a way to distract himself from watching Potter trying to impress Lily, but it was a little more than that. You were his friend after all, and it was only natural to want your friend to excel. 

“Thanks,” you whispered shyly. “Dinner’s going to start soon. Come on,” you said as you stood up. “Let’s head to the Great Hall. I’m starving!”

Severus chuckled as you held your belly and blushed when your stomach grumbled. He followed your lead as you both walked downhill towards the castle, smiling to himself, proud you had done a much better job than Potter during today’s game.


	9. Fun In The Snow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the holidays approach, you finally get a break from Quidditch and your studies. You meet Severus and begin walking to your usual spot by the lake, only to find that the snow had covered everything in sight.

November went by fairly quickly as you found yourself busy with something each day, whether it be studying, classes or Quidditch. Nevertheless, you were glad that Christmas approached as it meant you could finally catch a break for a whole two weeks. It also meant that most of the students were heading home for the holidays, leaving you and Severus to a mostly empty castle. 

You spent most of the morning watching your dormmates pack, talking about all the plans they had with their families, and for the first time, you didn’t feel angry or jealous. Though you found a home in the wonders of Hogwarts, the second the holidays rolled around, you’d feel a deep ping in your chest, reminding you that to everyone else, Hogwarts was no more than a school to them as they had a home, families to return to, to celebrate holidays with. After watching your dormmates head out the door, you changed into something warmer and made your way to the Entrance Hall where you were to meet Severus. 

You hated to mention his family, but you just had to ask whether he would be heading home for the holidays, only to hear him say Hogwarts was his home. You couldn’t lie, it surprised you to hear such a statement come from someone who still had both parents living under the same roof. So many were less fortunate then him, being raised by one parent rather than two, being stuck in the middle as your parents fought over custody, or in your case, having no parent’s no parental figures whatsoever.

Others might call you selfish or insensitive, but still, you were happy to hear you finally wouldn’t spend another Christmas day alone this year.

“Excited for the holidays?” he asked as you joined him on the ledge, watcing the carriages full of students begin to ride away. 

“Excited for a break from Caroline’s wrath,” you replied wittily. Severus shot you a small smile of approval before tightening his scarf and shoving his hands into his pockets. 

“Shall we start walking? It’s freezing.” 

“Yes,” you said as you jumped to your feet and led the way towards the lake as usual. You dragged your feet throw the heavy layer of snow, leftover of last night’s storm, as you felt the cold air prickle your cheeks. It had been so long since you’d last walked through the snow like this, you’d forgotten how it felt to breath in the cold air and watch the cloud of fog escape through your lips. You smiled to yourself as you treaded through the courtyard, gazing upon the white scene before you. Hogwarts almost looked more peaceful, more pure, dusted with such a pale clean color. It was definitely something you wouldn’t mind getting used to over the next few weeks.

Pulling the collar of your jacket up a little, you thanked Merlin you’d decided to wear your hair down tonight, at least giving your ears a bit of cover, unlike your nose. Oh Merlin, how red must your nose be from this weather. You took your hand from your pocket and raised it towards your face, only to stop when you approached the lake, and saw that it had completely frozen over. 

“Come on!” you exclaimed, grabbing Severus’ arm, pulling him with you as you ran forwards. Severus struggled, taken by surprised as you dragged him towards the death trap of ice that had become of the lake. You stopped at the edge and peered down, placing one foot on the ice to see if it would break. To your delight, you had found the ice thick enough to support your weight. 

Severus watched as you eagerly stepped onto the frozen lake and turned to him, hand stretched out, gesturing for him to follow. 

“Are you mad?” he asked, looking surprised at your proposal. 

“Come on Sev, it’ll be fun!” you urged him as you took both his hands in yours, pulling him onto the ice with you. 

Once his feet hit the thick layer of ice, you slowly began to glide backwards, Severus riding along with you. You felt his grip on you tighten as you gained speed, and as soon as you let go of one hand to skate beside him, he almost fell over, earning a small giggle from you.

“Think it’s funny, do you?” he said, keeping his focus down on his feet, desperately trying to find any sort of friction to help him ‘walk’ better.

“No,” you said through your giggles. Four and a half years at Hogwarts, how hadn’t either of you thought of doing this sooner? Of course, judging by how much Severus was struggling and the apparent stress on his face, ice skating on the lake probably wasn’t the way he would decide to spend his down time.

But eventually, and to your disappointment, you found him loosening up as his feet quickly adapted to the ice. He let go of your hand once he felt comfortable enough to support himself on and you peered up at him in satisfaction.

“See? It’s not so bad is it,” you gloated to him. 

“I still think you are mad,” he replied stubbornly. 

“Admit it! You’re having fun.” You pressed down on one foot as you pivoted, turning to face him, just to tease him a little further as you smiled.

“Or perhaps I just enjoy your company and only tolerate your nonsense,” he smirked at you. Your eyebrows rose in surprise from his answer. Did he really mean it? Did he really just say he liked hanging around you? You looked up into his eyes, noticing how soft they’d gotten since you first met and blushed as you began losing yourself in those dark orbs of his. The world around you seemed to disappear as you silently cursed yourself for letting your emotions take over you again. 

The busy school year had provided such a distraction, you had almost forgotten what it felt like when he looked at you like that. How a rush of warmth would wash over you, steaming from your chest the longer his gaze stayed looked on you. You had decided long ago that you had to keep your feelings concealed as you didn’t want to risk losing him as a friend, but it was moments like this that made you forget why you ever made that choice. 

Severus looked away from you as he struggled to keep his balance. You smiled as a mischievous idea crawled into your mind, watching his feet slip, his arms stretched out as if reaching to hold invisible railing. Quickly making your way over to the edge of the lake while Severus was looking away, you grabbed a handful of snow, compacting it into a small ball. 

Severus almost lost his balance as he suddenly felt something hit his back with a rough blow. As he snapped his head back to see what it was, he saw that you had already leaned down to grab another handful of snow and watched as you threw it at his chest. 

“What the bloody hell are you doing?!” he sputtered, unable to believe you’d been so childish as to throw a snowball at him. 

You merely giggled as you went to reach for more snow while Severus struggled to make his way over to you. This time when you through your snowball, aiming for his chest again, he flinched and fell down on the hard icy floor. 

You paused as your giggles died down, and slowly made your way over to him to see if he was alright. You hadn’t meant to hurt him, just to have a bit of fun knowing his terrible balance would keep him from fighting back.

“You okay?” you asked, staring down at him and extending a hand to help him up. He reached up and grabbed your hand and you felt your balance fail you as he quickly pulled forward. You gasped as you tumble, landing right atop the layers he wore over his chest.

“Not so fun from down here is it?” he said smugly as he rolled you over on your back, propping himself up on his elbow as his arm stretched over you. You said nothing as your eyes met and you felt your heart flutter once more. 

Neither of you moved a muscle as you both gazed at one another. But as his eyes slowly began to shift away, he quickly pushed himself off of you and helped you to your feet. 

“Have enough fun yet?” he asked, hoping you would want to take a break from ice skating. 

“I think so yeah,” you said giving him a sheepish smile, hoping he wouldn’t notice how flustered you had become. Severus stepped off the ice first before helping you do the same as he resumed walking with you. You both had your hands buried into your robes as you felt the cold air lowering your body temperature. 

Once you had made it under the tree, Severus quickly walked around it and you watched as he disappeared. Strange, you thought. Any time you’d spent under this tree had always been sitting with the castle in your view. So what was he doing walking over to the other side?

“What are you doing?” you asked curiously, trying to peer over as you took a step forward. 

You got your answer when an avalanche of snow washed over your head, covering your hair and sticking to your clothing. Your mouth gaped open at the sudden feeling and you glanced up to see the branches above you were no longer covered in snow. Brushing snow from your hair, you glanced back around in his direction.

“Pay back,” he said casually as he began laughing. You smiled as you listened to his soft chuckles. You had never heard him laugh like this before. It was nice to see his mood lift for once as he seemed to have finally, at least temporarily, left his troubles behind. 

Once he looked back at you, smiling ear to ear, you quickly grabbed snow from the ground to throw it at him. But he could see your snowball coming this time and with his motor skills back to normal, he quickly dived behind the tree again, dodging it. You picked up more snow only to be hit in the back with a snowball as Severus came around the other side of the tree, letting his laugh resonate through the air. 

You smiled as you threw one back at him and began to giggle as well. This one hit his shoulder, causing him to find a boost of energy as he reached down, clutching fists full of snow. You took this opportunity to slip away from him, grabbing your wand from your robes, hoping to give him a taste of his own medicine.

Severus saw what you were doing and grabbed your arm just as you shot out a spell to move the branches of the tree above him. He quickly pulled you in as he fell to the ground, using you as a cover for the snow that had once again showered all over you. 

You both paused, smiling at one another as you laid sandwiched between the cold snow on top of you and his warm body bellow you. Just as your eyes made their way to his lips, wondering what he would taste like, you pushed yourself off of him, before your urges made you do something you would regret. 

“Guess you were right,” he said, “That was fun.”

You giggled before suggesting heading back to the castle before you both got frostbite. He agreed and you both made your way to the Great Hall for lunch and hopefully a warm cup of tea.


	10. Well Needed Break

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After your team manages to convince Caroline to cancel your practice to go to the Hogsmeade trip, you ask Severus to study with you as you feel behind in your studies.

“No!” shouted James. “No way Caroline! We are not having practice tomorrow! There’s a Hogsmeade trip and it’ll be the last one we can really enjoy before exams!”

The majority of your team was enraged when they saw the bulletin this morning in the common room saying there would be another practice tomorrow during the Hogsmeade trip. James had made a scene when he heard the news and began rounding up every member of the team he could find, including you. Once most of the team was gathered, he led you all to the Great Hall where he found Caroline eating breakfast. You weren’t quite sure what to do as you agreed having another practice tomorrow would be completely absurd, but Caroline was your Captain, how could you say no?

James clearly had other ideas you’d watched him rushing toward Caroline in a complete fit, shouting as if no one else was in the room.

“It’s my decision James and if you don’t like it, then you shouldn’t have joined the team.” Her voice bounced off the walls of the Great Hall as you noticed everyone had fallen silent.

“Then I’ll quit! We all will!” he shouted back as he gestured towards the crowd of Gryffindors behind him. “Let’s see how you’ll lead a team with no players!”

Caroline stood up, angry at James for threatening to do such a thing. You had to give credit where credit was due; James was definitely ballsy for pressing her buttons after he’d been on such thin ice the past few months since the loss against Hufflepuff.

The tension in the room rose as seeker and beater stared down one another, completely oblivious to the rest of the team all frozen in place. Your heart raced, wondering if it would be wise to once against place yourself between two riled up, talented Hogwarts students.

“C-Caroline,” you cleared your voice as it had come out much more shriveled than you’d intended, “we’ve been working nonstop for months.” You’d intervened, trying to reason with her, but you’d almost regretted speaking at all as her hawk-like eyes burrowed into yours. “We-we deserve a break.”

You wished the ground would open up and swallow you whole as she took a step towards you.

“You can all get a break when we win the Cup!” Caroline was clearly adamant on keeping the practice as scheduled and you weren’t sure anything anyone said would change her mind.

“What is all this commotion,” Professor McGonagall had rushed towards you and as you peered in her direction, you noticed that the rest of the Hall had turned their attention towards the uproar your team had created. 

“They don’t want to show up to practice tomorrow because they want to go to Hogsmeade instead,” explained Caroline. 

“Don’t say it like that Caroline, as if we’re acting entitled,” you replied calmly, finally finding your voice. “We deserve a break and you know it. It’s not fair what you are doing to us.”

Professor McGonagall peered at you both before speaking. “And you must discuss this in the middle of breakfast in front of the entire school?” House pride was something you knew ran deep within not only the students, but the professors as well. You could only imagine how embarrassed your Head of House must be, sitting there as everyone stared at her Gryffindors arguing over something so trivial like their lives depended on it.

“She won’t listen to reason Professor! We had to speak up,” said James. 

“Professor, you must have seen our schedule. You must know how many practices we have had since our last game. Surely you understand that we would like to enjoy a day off before exams began,” you added, trying to show the request James had made wasn’t absurd. 

You watched as your Head of House sighed before turning to Caroline and addressing her concerns, “Are you unable to schedule a practice around the Hogsmeade trip?”

Caroline’s face flushed red as she rubbed the back of her neck, averting the gaze of those in front of her. “Well, actually… I’ve scheduled a practice every day this week, not just tomorrow.”

Professor McGonagall looked at her in shock. “Well it’s settled then, you will cancel your practice tomorrow and let them enjoy a trip to Hogsmeade.”

You all smiled and even gave a small cheer at the news, thankful your Head of House had intervened. You rolled your eyes as you watched James give Caroline a victorious smile before walking away. Relief struck you as you let out a long even breath. All this drama was a lot to take in so early in the morning, especially when you’d barely gotten any sleep, staying up to continue your studies in the common room after your session with Severus. You went and found a seat as you ventured over your now open schedule today.

Once you finished breakfast, you made your way to your first class before Severus caught up with you.

“Was all that commotion this morning really just because you had a practice scheduled tomorrow?” Severus asked as you walked down the hall to your Charms class. 

“Yeah, it was,” you replied, “James flipped out in the common room before breakfast and gathered us all to go confront Caroline about it.”

Severus scoffed. Of course, Gryffindor’s gold boy had to make a fuss when something didn’t go his way.

“I don’t blame him,” you added quickly, “The number of practices we have a week is completely unreasonable.”

“So, do you want to go to Hogsmeade tomorrow since you’re free?”

“Actually, I was hoping we could have an extended study session. I haven’t had a lot of time to review my notes and I’m starting to get really worried about my O.W.Ls.” Severus’ shoulders dropped at your words. He’d really enjoyed taking you to Hogsmeade last time, it was the first time he felt like he could really enjoy the trip since Lily had stopped accompanying him.

“Come on (Y/N), you should take a break. If you aren’t playing Quidditch, you are studying and if you aren’t studying, you’re playing Quidditch!” He knew he was being selfish. He’d watched you stress over the last few months over your O.W.Ls and the added pressure from Quidditch. Still, he missed your company outside of your study sessions.

“Please Sev?” you begged, “Please help me study? Pleeeeeeeeeaaaaasseeeeee-”

“Okay!” he said, irritated by your nagging. He stared at you, baffled by the fact that he actually liked you despite the fact that you’d act like an disdained child at times.

“Thank you,” you said as you smiled and nudging his arm in gratitude. 

Severus shook his head, disappointed he hadn’t managed to pull you away from your studies as it seemed you hadn’t taken a break since Christmas. 

Five hours had already flown by as you practiced various potions and spells in the empty classroom potion’s classroom. You’d mentioned there were other classrooms you could have occupied, classroom that held less of a potential for accidents, but Severus just had to insist on working in the only classroom in the dungeons. It had you wondering either he’d just gotten used to the chilly feel his common room had to offer or if it was simply a preference that so happened to match his house esthetic.

Severus watched as you charmed the teacup in front of you to sprout legs for what had to be the hundredth time already. You’d been sitting there, claiming your charms weren’t up to ‘O.W.Ls passing standards’, whatever that meant, for so long now, he wouldn’t be surprised if he’d stepped outside the classroom to find the year had ended. It was no secret he was becoming quite restless, which was really saying something considering the fact that he’d gotten so used to being locked up in his room at home for days at a time. But every once in a while, you’d shoot him a threatening stare whenever he’d rock his leg or tap the end of the table with his quill. He’d asked you multiple times to take a short break and you had rejected the idea each time. So it wasn’t his fault his muscles begging to be moved.

Checking the time, you noticed you were well passed an hour since you’d sprinkled the powdered moonstone into your potion to simmer. In a state of panic, you quickly rushed over and grabbed your ladle, hoping all that hard work you’d put in hadn’t gone to complete waste. Deciding to have some fun, Severus slowly took out his wand, making sure you wouldn’t notice and pointed it at the cauldron you were hovering over. 

You had been so focused on checking your Draught of Peace potion that you didn’t notice the small bubble that had formed, suddenly erupting and splattering most of the contents of the cauldron all over you. 

You took a step back, shaken up by what had just happened. Had you really messed up so bad that the potion exploded on you? But when you heard Severus laughing, you realized it hadn’t been a mistake you’d made, it was his doing!

“Severus!” you shouted in shock as you wiped your face. “I was almost done!”

“That’s what you are worried about?” he said as his giggles died down. Blimey, you were really serious about cramming today weren’t you? “Aren’t you concerned of the damage I could have caused?”

“Why? Have you taken a page out of James and Sirius’ books?” you replied smugly. Severus didn’t appreciate your joke as you peered over and saw the sour look on his face. 

“Don’t compare me to those gits!” he stood up and began walking across the room, away from you. Your comment had clearly stung him, though you didn’t think it out of line considering what he’d just done. Noticing there was still a fair bit of potion in your cauldron, you took out your wand and silently levitated it over his head, dumping the rest of it on him as pay back. 

“What the-” he said in utter surprise. 

“Well I know you wouldn’t have dumped it on me if it was unsafe, so I thought I’d return the favor,” you giggled as you set the cauldron back down. 

Severus slowly began to smirk as he looked around the room, he noticed the large open jar of powdered porcupine quills on your table. He quickly levitated it and threw all its contents at you. 

“Ah!” you screamed, covering your face and flinching away. Without thinking you levitated the jar of powdered moonstone and threw its contents his way. He tried dodging it, but the powder had flown into the air, covering a large portion of the corner where he was standing. 

“Well, Slughorn is not going to be happy about this,” he said staring down at the mess you both made around the classroom as he made his way back over to you. 

“You started it!”

“It’s not my fault, you wouldn’t take a break!”

“You’re such an arse!” you exclaimed playfully as you gave his shoulder enough of a rough shove to cause him to take a small step back. 

Smiling, he regained his balance and stepped back towards you as he examined your ruined uniform. You’d both need to take a long hot bath after this and these clothes might need a second wash judging by the deep purple staining your shirt. His gazed moved up and his smile began to fade as he noticed just how filthy your hair had gotten. Feeling guilty, he reached over and began brushing his fingers through your hair in a weak attempt to clean it. 

You froze at the contact and looked in his eyes as they followed the trail his hand was making in your hair. 

“I’m sorry,” he said, giving up on his task and placing his hand back by his side.

“We should clean up and take baths before dinner starts,” you whispered as you peered over his shoulder, noticing the tilted jars and cauldron on the floor. 

Severus watched you pick up your cauldron, placing it on a nearby table before heading over and helping you clear the room. Even with the use of magic, it took you both quite a while to return the classroom to its original state, but nevertheless, Severus was glad his mission to tear you away from your studies was a success.


	11. Spectrumsempra

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On your way to the library to study with Severus, you run into some trouble with a few student’s who decide to have a bit of fun tormenting you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Blood, near death experience

Caroline had held you back after practice again, wanting to talk strategy with you as you had won your last game against Ravenclaw, but were still so behind. Hufflepuff had crushed Slytherin, leaving them well ahead in the race to the Quidditch cup and although you were glad that Caroline had such faith in you to ask for your advice, you couldn’t help but wish she would ease off a little. Quidditch was now taking up the majority of your time and Caroline’s obsession with making a comeback was getting out of hand. 

Your O.W.Ls were only a few months away now and you had fallen so far behind in your studies, you’d begun to feel immensely worried about how you can possibly get a high enough score in all your subjects to continue studying them next year. 

After leaving Caroline, you began to make your way to meet Severus at the library. Though you knew he’d been doing most of his studying during your Quidditch practices, you’d still begged him to help you catch up. His notes had always provided you with such pristine knowledge, they were more useful than any textbook in the library, so you figured it wouldn’t hurt to ask the master of insight to study with you. He, surprisingly, had accepted your request without resistance and told you to plan out a schedule to follow so you’d tackle a subject after practice each day.

Deciding to take a short cut, you snuck into a deserted hallway knowing that there was a door at the end that lead you near the entrance of the library. As you turned into the corridor, you heard a rough banging sound coming from the door to your left. At first you thought it was Peeves, which in that case, you’d have run down the corridor as the poltergeist had always opted to mess with any living creature over inanimate objects. But as you heard giggling muffled through the cracks of the thick wooden door, you paused, wondering if you should enter to see what was going on. 

You didn’t have to think very long as the door swung open and you suddenly found yourself surrounded by none other than Avery, Mulciber and Burlow. 

“Look. What we have. Here,” Avery pressed on every other word, boasting the menacing expression he wore as he walked around you.

You froze in place, heart pumping feverishly against your chest as you felt a rise of panic rumble through your body. Trying to keep an eye on all three Slytherin’s you frantically searched their faces, finding nothing but mischief and clear need to cause harm. You weren’t blind, nor were you ignorant. You knew what was on their mind and it only caused you to feel all the more threatened as you noticed your breaths becoming increasingly short and swift. Doing the first thing that came to mind, you pulled out your wand, intending to hex them and run as quickly as you could. 

“Expelliarmus!” shouted Burlow and your wand flew out of your hand and into hers. She smirked as she watched the startled look on your face turn to fear. 

“Isn’t this the chaser that humiliated you last year in the library, Liza” Mulciber spoke to Burlow as if he was talking about a mere pest on the ground. I have a name, you thought. 

“Yeah it is,” she looked at you with a twisted look in her eye. “What do you say about some pay back,” she pointed her wand to your throat as she stepped towards you. 

“Please,” you whispered before taking a step back, keeping your eyes on her wand. Last year, you’d had the upper hand. Last year, you were the one to sneak up on her, you had the control, you had your wand. This time was different. The roles were reversed, and you were the helpless one, wandless, at her mercy. 

“HA! Please,” Burlow mimicked your tone as she slowly made her way towards you, her smile stretching from one ear to the other. The fact that she seemed too pleased at this situation was all the more nerve racking. What did she have planned for you? What was on her mind? How were you to defend yourself?

“Hey, this is a great opportunity to try that spell Snape came up with,” Avery’s words had caused Burlow to stop in her tracks and you felt your heart skip a beat at the mention of Severus’ name. What spell? You watched the wheels in Burlow’s head spin, her smirk growing wider. Surely Severus would have shared any spell he’d created with you, but none of the ones he’d told you about popped out as threatening. Langlock perhaps? Or… Levicorpus?

“SPECTRUMSEMPRA!” shouted Burlow and the next thing you felt terrified you beyond belief as a deep gash appeared on your left arm. Clutching your wound, you fell to the floor in agony, moaning in pain. The three Slytherins began laughing and you couldn’t believe what had just happened. This wasn’t real. It can’t be.

“Let me try!” spoke Mulciber before he too took out his wand and cast the same spell, causing another deep cut to appear on your cheek. No, how could Severus invent such a spell. This wasn’t real! This can’t be happening!

“Aim for the limbs,” said Burlow, “That way, she won’t be able to play in next week’s game.”

“Brilliant,” said Avery before he pointed his wand at you. Tears were now streaming down your face and another cut dug deep into your right thigh.

“Please,” you begged, “Stop.” You gasped for air, trying to focus on light down the corridor, anything but the pain.

“No I don’t think so (Y/L/N),” said Burlow, “See, not only did you manage to steal the house cup from us last year, but you embarrassed me in front of my friends when I went to confront Snape in the library. Bit poetic don’t you think? Using his own spell against the girl who so desperately wanted to defend him.” The tone she used one the word ‘desperately’ alarmed you. Did she think you were some lost puppy seeking for Severus’ attention?

“I’m sorry,” you whispered, frantically trying to get away from your attackers. “Please.”

“Spectrumsempra!” yelled Burlow once more. 

“Expelliarmus!” you winced as a new cut appeared across your right arm, but even through the tears, you could see the blur you only assumed was Burlow’s wand, accompanied by your own, fly into your savior’s hand. The figure stepped forward and all you could see were the cloaks of the person bellowing behind them as they rushed forward. Their face came into focus as you blinked, causing thick tears to stream down your face and you realized it was none other than Severus Snape himself who’d heard the commotion and ran to your rescue. 

“Snape!” shouted Avery.

“Leave!” he exclaimed, “Get out of here now!”

Burlow stepped forward with the intention of retrieving her wand, but Severus stopped her, telling her she’d get it back when he saw her in the common room later that night. 

You looked down and examined your fresh wound as they all hurried away, disappearing down the hidden hallway. 

“(Y/N), are you okay?” Severus had turned to you, kneeling beside you as he gazed at your injuries, unable to venture how his own spell had caused you this much harm. A pool of blood surrounded you almost entirely, and your wounds continued adding to the thick red liquid on the floor.

“No!” you shouted at him, waving his hand away from you as tears continued to fall down your face. You felt appealed, you couldn’t even stand the sight of him, not after what you’d just learned. “They said you came up with this spell Severus! Is that true?” your voice cracked between words as you sobbed, more so from the betrayal you felt than the physical pain. You thought you knew him, you thought you were close enough to know if he’d so something so reckless as to not only perform but to actually dabble so far into the Dark Arts that he’d come up with such a horrendous spell. Clearly, you were wrong.

“I-(Y/N), I never intended for it be used like this. On you,” he desperately tried to explain himself as he saw the hurt in your eyes. He couldn’t lose another friend like this. Not after drifting so far from Lily.

“This is Dark Magic Severus! How could you!”

Severus wasn’t sure any explanation would ease your mind right now. The amount of pain you must be in, he could only imagine what it felt like. And it was all due to a spell he’d created. A spell he’d dared to share with the people he thought were his friends. There was no denying it. This was his fault, and he knew that.

As you closed your eyes, you realized just how much blood you’d lost as you began to feel faint. “I-I think you need to take me to Madam Pomfrey,” you said quietly.

“I don’t know how much she will be able to help,” Severus pointed his wand and began chanting a charm you didn’t recognize. “Ah! I still haven’t perfected the counter charm yet,” he said in frustration. 

“Let me get this straight,” you said calmly as your head fell back against the wall in absolute defeat, “You went around, sharing a spell using Dark Magic, to harm people, that you created, and you haven’t finished its counter charm?”

“I’m close! I know I am,” you could hear the panic in his voice as he concentrated on your open wounds. “See, look!”

Peering down, you watched as the gash on your right arm decreasing in size, but not fully closing. Severus had managed to get the bleeding to stop, but it was clear that if these open wounds didn’t heal quickly, you would eventually bleed to death. 

“Okay,” you said shaking your head as you decided to put off this conversation for later. “How did you come up with the spell that did this?”

Severus went on to tell you his process and what he has tried to counter it. You began brainstorming with him, trying different approaches until eventually, your wounds began to heal completely. 

“Vulnera Sanentur,” mumbled Severus, over and over again as he waved his wand over you. Once you were completely healed, he helped you off your feet before you suddenly punched him in the arm. 

“DARK MAGIC SEVERUS?! REALLY?!” you shouted, as you shoved him backwards. Clearly the counter charm had worked well, your energy boosting through the roof. “I THOUGHT YOU WERE BETTER THAN THEM, I THOUGHT YOU WERE DIFFERENT!”

“I-I am, I didn’t mean for this to happen,” he said, lowering his gaze to the ground as he rubbed the spot you’d hit. “I didn’t mean for you to get hurt.”

“And what did you mean to happen exactly? Why would you create a spell like this?”

“I just…” Severus looked away, he knew you wouldn’t approve, neither would Lily and he was afraid that if he told either of you his intentions behind this spell, you’d never want to speak to him again. But he knew he couldn’t hide it anymore. Least of all to you. He owed you an explanation after what you’d just endured. “I just thought I could use it against… certain people,” he pointed his wand to the pool of blood and performed the vanishing charm, using it as an excuse to keep from looking back into your eyes, knowing he’d find nothing but dread and disappointment.

“Who? Who has wronged you so much to earn themselves such a punishment?” you asked. But when he looked back into your eyes and began to shift uncomfortable, you understood immediately. “James,” you said as you nodded your head. 

“He deserves it! He-”

“No one deserves this!” you interrupted him as you felt your rage reach its limit. “Dark Magic is not the answer to his bullying Sev!” His eyes immediately shot to yours at the use of his nickname. “Dark Magic should never be the answer to anything! How could you do this!” tears had returned to your eyes as you began to take a step back. 

“No, (Y/N) please,” he said desperately, “Please don’t leave.”

“How do you expect me to continue being your friend if you’re going to be dabbling in the Dark Arts like this? Being interested in it is one thing, but actually using it?”

“I won’t,” he said quickly. ‘I’ll never use it again if that’s what you want.”

You paused, staring at him in awe. “If that’s what I want? Severus, you can’t be giving up Dark Magic for me, you have to do it of your own accord.”

“Please (Y/N), I-I don’t want to lose you,” you could see the hurt in his eyes as you took another step away from him. You both stared at each other for a while before he spoke again. “I’ll give up the Dark Arts. I won’t even study it,” he whispered.

You looked up at him, wondering if he was genuine about what he was saying or if he was only saying that because he was afraid of losing you as a friend. “Do you promise?”

You also didn’t want his interests to drive a wedge between you both as you understood that he had a good heart but was so easily influenced by the people he was surrounded by. You’d put up with his deep infatuation with the Dark Arts, and you’d always told yourself it was fine so long as he’d stayed in the theoretical section of the subject. But learning that he was willing to use it, against others nonetheless. It was definitely a hard pill to swallow.

“I promise, no more Dark Magic. I swear it.” he said as he handed you back your wand. Perhaps if you stayed friends, you could show him that Dark Magic wasn’t a clutch he needn’t lean on.

“Good,” you whispered as you took it, stuffing it back into your robes. Perhaps he’d learn to use love as a tool instead.


	12. Exam Season

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You study like crazy as your O.W.Ls approach and soon enough they take over your day. Severus begins to worry over you as you slowly begin to disappear, burying yourself in your books.

As you’d predicted, the number of points you earned from your game against Slytherin was not enough to bring you above Hufflepuff as James caught the snitch too soon. Severus seemed to have held up his promise to you as the humiliation James received from Caroline was enough to keep him coming after Severus a while. All in all, you were just glad Quidditch was over finally giving you back the time you needed to study and prepare for your upcoming exams. 

Severus had offered to help you catch up after your game and you were very thankful for the notes he had created while you had been busy staying alive during all those Quidditch practices. Weeks went by and you finally felt caught up to Severus, just in time too as your O.W.Ls were only a week away. 

“Let’s take a break,” you had never heard Severus suggest such a thing during your study sessions before, not since the catastrophe in the potion’s classroom all those months ago, and it took you back. 

“Take a what?” you asked, thinking you had perhaps misheard him. 

“A break (Y/N), you’ve been at it none stop for weeks now!” he said as he forced the book you had out of your hands. “You’re all caught up now and you need to take a breather. It’s not healthy what you’ve been doing.”

You blankly stared at him, mouth gaped open a bit, unable to fathom why he of all people was telling you to take a break when he was the one that told you how important your O.W.Ls were. 

“No, I still have three more chapters I haven’t covered,” you said as you tried to take back the book. Severus stood from his seat and held the book up high. You huffed at him in amazement. What happened to the serious boy you’d been friend with these last two years?

“You need a break (Y/N)! And sleep! And food!” he kept the book out of your reach as you attempted to jump for it.

“Give it back!” you said, as you reached up, unable to even reach his wrist. You cursed the growth spurt he’d gone through this year as he’d easily become several inches taller than you now. You knew he didn’t even have to balance on his toes as you were doing now to keep the book out of reach. You pushed yourself closer to him in the hopes of stretching your arm up further. 

“No!” he said as he felt himself being pushed against the bookshelves behind him.

“Give it back!” you repeated as you began to giggle at the situation you were in. You knew he was the one acting childish, but you couldn’t feel like a child yourself; too short to reach the cookie jar. You placed a hand on his shoulder and gave a few more jumps before pausing and staring into his eyes. 

Oh, boy. Here we go again. How could someone have such an effect on you like this? You had noticed it happening a lot more often recently as he seemed to always be searching to capture your gaze. He almost seemed more possessive of you since the incident with Burlow, Avery and Mulciber and you couldn’t blame him. It was traumatic, knocking on deaths door like that. But Severus, he must have felt an awful lot of guilt for what happened. At least that’s what you’d assumed as he’d taken responsibility for it, seemingly thinking he was the one to blame. It was hard at first not to punish him for what happened. It would have been the easy route to take, but as much as he kept insisting, you couldn’t ignore the truth. Yes, Severus had created that spell. Yes, he did share it, loading the gun and handing it off to your attackers. But you couldn’t blame him for their actions. It was their choice to do what they did, and you couldn’t fault Severus for that.

Severus smiled down at you as he lost himself in your eyes, forgetting why he had his arm up as he lowered it. You were so distracted by his gaze, it took you a long while to realize he had relinquished his previous position. Looking away as you nervously tucked your hair behind your ear, you took a step back before speaking. 

“Umm,” words seemed to be lost from you for a second, “I guess I can take a break.”

“Good,” he whispered before placing your book on the table, turning back to admire your sweet smile. “Let’s go for a walk.” 

He watched you first as you began packing up, making sure you weren’t going to go back to studying before he followed your lead. He guided you out of the library and began making his way towards the courtyard which was virtually empty as most students were swamped by exams and no doubt burying their faces in their textbooks somewhere in the castle. 

After only fifteen minutes outside, you tried convincing Severus to go back to the library, but he insisted that the fresh air would do you some good. You ended up walking around with him for the rest of the evening and only managed to study again after dinner. 

As your O.W.Ls rolled around, you began to see Severus less and less as the stress of each exam weighed on you heavily, causing you to lock yourself in the common room, desperately trying to get in some last minute cramming. You were always the last one to bed and the first one up, studying as much as you could. Once exams commenced, Severus began to hunt you down, feeling concerned at your lack of self-care. 

“You need to sleep more (Y/N),” he said as you both walked down the hall, just emerging from your Herbology exam. “Your eyes are getting red.”

“I’m fine Sev, really,” you said, trying to reassure him. “Besides, we only have two more to go. Just Defense and Charms left. Should be a piece of cake. Then after that, I’ll be free to sleep however long I like.”

“If you don’t get some rest before your exams, you won’t be able to focus properly,” he argued back. You smiled up at him, touched at his concern. 

“Fine,” you said in defeat.

“Can I ask something of you?”

“What is it?” you looked at him wide eyed as his tone suddenly became more serious. 

“We both have Charms as our last exam, will you take a walk with me around the castle before we leave for London?”

You smiled up at him knowing he hated leaving Hogwarts as much as you, and taking a walk around the place you both grew to call home would greatly benefit you both. “Sure,” you said, “That sounds lovely.”


	13. Expectations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You overhear Lily telling her friends about Severus calling her a mudblood when Mary comes in to fetch her. You follow closely as you listen to Severus attempt to apologize.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is the scene from the book where Severus stands outside the Gryffindor common room trying to apologize to Lily from the POV of our FMC. I don't actually go into detail about the incident and instead assume that you know what happened, so as a quick recap: James and his friends bully Snape after their Defense exam. James performs a few hexes and eventually pants him. Lily then steps in telling him to stop and Snape responds with 'I don't need help from a mudblood' (or something along those lines lol).

You couldn’t believe what Lily was telling her friends. It can’t be true. There’s no way he would do such a thing. Severus cared for Lily, so why would he call her… that awful awful word. You laid in your bed, not daring to move a muscle as you had been pretending to be asleep while listening to Lily talk about how James cornered Severus. You were angry at first when she started her story as you hated to hear about how Severus had been humiliated in front of everyone like that. Verbal bullying was one thing, but to be physically assaulted like that in front of the entire school, hearing nothing but laughter thrown your way, it was beyond demeaning, it was just downright unacceptable. Those boys need a morality check and if you’d been there… god how you wished you were there to defend him, perhaps even give James a piece of his own medicine.

Why did he do it? Was the pressure he’d been receiving from Caroline too much? Did he feel humiliated himself after what happened at your last game? Still. That didn’t justify taking out his own frustrations out on Severus. It was unfair.

You’d zoned out for a second, just a second, and had missed the part leading up to the ending of Lily’s story. Biting down on your tongue to keep from gasping, you desperately clinging onto her words in an attempt to find a reason, any reason why he’d spoken that word to Lily. Distress? Embarrassment? Desolation? Those were the only things you could come up with, the only excuse you could give him. But why throw such a slur at someone you knew he cared so deeply for? The only person who’d stood up for him.

“He won’t leave,” you heard Mary say as she entered the dorm. “He says that if you don’t talk to him, he’ll sleep out there.”

Lily sighed as she got up and made her way out while the rest of her friends put out their bedside candles, Slipping into their crimson covers. You slipped out of your own bed, unnoticed, and made your way out of the dorm behind Lily, watching her opening the portrait of the Fat Lady. 

You thanked Merlin that she left the portrait hanging open, presumably because she thought her discussion with Severus would be short. Nevertheless, it allowed you to hear every word spoken between her and her former best friend without having to get too close. 

“I’m so sorry,” you heard Severus plead. You felt such remorse as you listened to him beg her for forgiveness while she refused to listen to his apology. It was clear to you that she had her mind set. It was clear to you that she had decided he’d chosen the same dark path as some of his Slytherin peers. Did she know something you didn’t? You had fallen in love with him for a reason, and though you were (all too) well aware of his infatuation with the Dark Arts, you’d assumed he’d changed his course after what happened with you and Burlow. He is a good person at heart, he’d just experienced life a little differently than others, something you understood very well. Something Lily clearly didn’t have the heart to see.

You hid when you heard Lily entering the common room and as she stormed back to the girls dorm, you quickly slipped through the portrait and ran after Severus.

“Severus!” you said, bringing his attention to you. 

“(Y/N)?” he turned around on the steps down Gryffindor Tower to see you standing in your sleepwear, “What are you doing here?”

The subtle moonlight beaming from the top window of the building illuminated him and you could see the somber look on his face, the look of sorrow, regret and absolute grief.

“Is it true Sev? Did you really call her a-a…” you couldn’t say it.

“It was an accident. I didn’t mean it. Potter was tormenting me. It just slipped out,” he said defensively. He couldn’t take it anymore. He was being painted as some sort of villain after making such a small mistake. A mistake the entire school had witnessed, inflating it to be a bigger deal than he’d felt it was, completely ignoring the climax of the situation, all because what? Because Potter was some big hero to them? “You have to believe me. I swear I didn’t mean it.”

You stepped forward and watched as his eyes watered. Hurt was written all across his face and you could only imagine what he’d been feeling right now. He’d snapped tonight and it was clear he’d given up on picking up the pieces James had been breaking away all these years. You couldn’t let him fall like this. You couldn’t let them win.

“I believe you,” you whispered. “Are you okay?” 

Severus sighed as his head fell forward. He covered his face with his hands and shook his head. “I think I’ve really done it this time,” he said to you. “I don’t think Lily will ever talk to me again.”

“I’m still here for you,” you said, gently placing a hand on his shoulder in comfort. This is exactly what James had been working to get, to break Severus, and it seemed Severus had finally given in. You took another step forward and lifted his chin as your lips twitched into a weak smile, hoping he’d find the strength he needed to put himself together in you.

Severus froze at your words and stared intently into your eyes searching them as if looking for the truth, something, you noticed he did whenever he doubted your words. You let your fingers slip from his chin to grab his hand. “I’m sorry James did that to you and I’m sorry about Lily.”

“You have nothing to apologize for,” he spoke softly and you could almost hear a bit of aspiration return to him. “You’ve always been here for me… Thank you.” 

You smiled at his words before slowly wrapping your arms around his neck, pulling him into you. He hugged you in return but quickly pushed away when he heard a clang coming from bellow. Peeves. That bloody poltergeist couldn’t give this castle a moment of peace.

“I should head back before someone catches me,” he said. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” With that, you watched as he sprinted out of the tower and you quickly made your way back to your dorm. 

Severus found himself thinking, not of Lily, but of you on his walk back to the dungeon. You had always been so kind to him, kinder than Lily had ever been. Even now when he thought he’d turned everyone against him, you came running, standing by his side. His heart fluttered as he remembered all the moments you both shared together. He couldn’t believe these feelings for you had been bubbling to the surface for so long and he was only now just noticing how much he truly cared for you.


	14. One Last Goodbye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After exams, you meet up with Severus to take a walk around the castle before heading to the carriages that take you to the train station.

Remembering your promise to Severus, you pushed through the crowd to go meet him in the courtyard after your Charms exam. Last week had been so hard on him, but you did everything you could to show you understood him, trying to get his mind off of what happened with Lily. You noticed him feeling rather uncomfortable at first whenever he was out in public. That was no doubt, thanks to James’ rather horrendous assault. But each time you saw him hanging his head low, his hair showering his face, or when his shoulders slouched so low, he’d almost shrunk down to your height, you’d ever so gently intertwine your fingers with his, rubbing soothing circles on the back of his hand in comfort. Though he never looked at you in those moments, you could tell your little gestures helped as you’d feel his slender fingers curl around yours and a small smirk form behind his curtain of hair.

As you finally made your way there, you saw him waiting for you, leaning against a nearby post. He was definitely in a much better mood today, though you suspected that wouldn’t last long as you were scheduled to head back to London on the Hogwarts Express tomorrow.

“Taking in the view?” you said as you approached him smiling. 

He Looked over his shoulder in your direction, smirking, with his hands stuffed into his pockets. Stepping off the ledge, he met you half way before suggesting you walk down the halls of the castle before heading outside. You agreed and followed his lead. The last of the spring air gushed towards you and you suddenly felt a light whiff of lavender seeping in through your nose, the same smell from the bath you’d taken in Moaning Myrtle’s bathroom. Had Severus bathed before meeting you? That was unlike him. 

“How was it?” he asked as you looked up into his eyes. You squinted as second, noticing, for the first time, the soft brown that lay circling his iris. Was he walking closer to you or had you been this oblivious to notice such things? 

“Pretty good… Good actually, it was as easy as I said it would be,” you replied smiling up at him. “The second to last question was a bit of a surprise, but I still think I did pretty well. I’m more concerned about Potions if I’m going to be honest.”

Severus couldn’t help but smile. Your confidence in Potions had seemed to have slowly diminished ever since you’d met, and he wondered at times if it was do to his tremendous success in the subject as he’d sometimes find you wearing a worried look on your face when comparing his work with your own. Lily had never acted this way. In fact, she seemed to have used his deep insight in the subject to her advantage, rising to the top of the class, even managing to bet him every now and then. Though he couldn’t lie, he’d sometimes spend too long helping her rather than focus on his own work. It’s not as though he needed the extra time. The potions they were asked to brew during class were never too difficult and he’d have gladly spend most of the given time helping someone he cared about rather than waste it following those ridiculously outdates instructions. Merlin only knew his advantage in the subject gave him the ability to be much more lenient in class. His mother, after all, was once a pristine young potions mistress, that is, until she met his father; her dear beloved husband. 

“I’m sure you did fine in Potions. You studied my notes for three days straight right before the exam. I wouldn’t be surprised if you did better than me.”

“No, there’s no way. You’re a genius in Potions Sev, it’s your best subject!” you assured him, “Anyways, how did you find it?”

“I think your prediction was accurate. Are you sure you aren’t a seer?” he asked sarcastically.

You let out a few soft giggled as you made your way down the stairs, towards the dungoens. You walked in silence for a bit before you mustered up the courage to ask the question that was on your mind since the night of your Defense exam. 

“Have you spoken with Lily?” you asked nervously. Severus frowned as he had almost forgotten about her in your company. 

“She won’t speak with me,” he said as he shifted his gaze to the ground while he walked onwards. “I know that what I said was wrong and I can’t take it back, but she won’t hear my apology. She ignores me every time she sees me and walks in the other direction. I don’t think there is much of a friendship left between us to mend.”

“I’m sorry Sev,” you said sympathetically, knowing how much he cared about her. 

“Don’t be. It’s not your fault. Besides,” he turned to look at you as he gave you a sheepish smile, “I have you don’t I.”

“Yes you do,” you giggled. 

Severus felt a rush of cherishment as he listened to state you’d be friends for as long as you lived, glad that he still had someone he could count on. Even though your optimism was not something he’d ever truly agree with, it seemed he’d definitely come to accept it. How unique of a creature you were, head held so high even after everything you’d gone through. It was admirable at the very least and, he had to admit, quiet inspiring. He wasn’t sure he’d have made it through this week if it weren’t for you, and for that, he was forever grateful.

As you continued walking, he decided to take a small chance and brush his fingers against your palm. You smiled at the contact and pushed your hand towards his. Taking that as a sign of your approval, he quickly slid his fingers between yours, holding your hand tightly in his own. 

You felt your heart flutter as you squeezed back and pressed your forearm against his. He’d never initiated such a thing, you weren’t even sure whether he enjoyed your touches or if he’d simply tolerated it. Could he possibly feel the same way? You never thought he would but, as his grip on you tightened, you couldn’t help but think he felt something for you. Something that extended beyond the barrier of friendship. Something strong and preeminent. Something, you had only dreamed you’d find one day.


	15. Summer Holidays

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Feeling the urge to see you, Severus asks to meet up with you over the summer holidays. You agree and make plans to open your O.W.Ls together when they arrive.

Severus woke up the morning after arriving back at Spinner’s End, and for the first time, found his mind venturing from the thought of seeing Lily. It was over between them, he’d ruined their friendship so far beyond repair, even a secluded hermit could see it. But it was more than just that. It wasn’t just the fact that Lily no longer wanted him in her life, there was something else occupying his thoughts, washing over his longing for the red-head he’d grown so fond of.

Turning over on his side, staring blankly at the door separating him from the rest of the house that would soon be filled with nothing but wasted words between a calamitous husband and vain wife, he thought back to the person he, until very recently, neglected to appreciate the company of. He wondered if you’d felt how divided his attention was when he’d study or talk with you, his mind constantly roaming back to the fantasy he’d created in his mind. One that had Lily viewing Severus in a much different light, a light he knew he was capable of stepping into if he’d only been able to find the courage he needed to tell her how he felt when they first met.

But it was different now. He no longer retreated to this alternate timeline with Lily on his arm because he didn’t feel the need to. Because he had someone in his life he could truly have a future with if he just managed to dig up that part of him he knew anyone would be proud to have by his side. He had a second chance to find the love he so desperately craved.

With a husky breath, he shot out of his bed and pulled out the old wooden chair tucked into the sad excuse of a board he was forced to call a desk. He took out a quill and paper from his Hogwarts trunk and wrote a letter to you, asking if you would be willing to meet him in two weeks at a park nearby. Now all he had to do was wait till his mother woke to ask for a few knuts to rent an owl.

(Y/N),

Since school’s over, I know there’s no reason for us to meet, but I was wondering if you’d perhaps like to meet over the summer and go on one of our infamous walks? I thought we could meet near the park at the base of the river and make our way downstream.

Severus

Sev,

I’d love nothing more than to explore the town with you. To be quite frank, it’s been quite dull the last few days, so I should thank you for sending me this letter and sparing me the torment of a boring summer. How’s next Thursday looking for you?

(Y/N)

(Y/N),

Glad I could help relieve you the pain of a less than magical summer. I bet your probably squirming in your room trying not to jump on your broom and fly a few thousand feet for all the muggles to see.

Thursday sounds good, I’ll meet you half passed noon near the oak tree at the edge of the park.

Sev

“Severus!” you exclaimed, beginning to sprint towards him as he approached. He almost lost his balance as you nearly jumped on him, wrapping your arms tightly around his neck. “Sorry,” you said, blushing as you pulled yourself off him. You didn’t mean to be so forward, but it had been so hard to suppress the longing you’d felt since you’d parted ways in London. As you pushed yourself back, hands on his shoulder, you looked up at him and to your surprise found a small smile on his face. There it was again, that need to see what you wanted. To see him want you as you did him.

“How’ve you been?” he asked politely. 

“Bored. I was practically counting down the hours till I could see you.” You nervously tucked your hair behind your ear as you took a step back, alternating your gaze from his eyes to the ground.

Severus scoffed. Though unsurprised by your inability to entertain yourself without magic, he was a bit taken back by your enthusiasm to see him. Surely there were more compelling things you could do than to be around him. Was it possible she felt the same way he did? Severus was never one for reading others. It was one of the things that held him back from asking out Lily, afraid he’d ruin their friendship if she didn’t feel the same way. So much for that.

He wanted it to be different this time, to step out of his comfort zone and pursue whatever this was between you tow. But the fear of rejection still trickled its way through his mind like a snake stalking its next victim. He had to be sure you felt the same way, otherwise he could lose you like he has Lily.

“So, care for a walk?” he asked as he held out a hand for you. You looked down, stunned at his gesture, but eagerly accepted, placing your hand in his and walked with him side by side. His heart skipped a beat as he felt you squeeze his hand tightly, feeling hopeful that you, in fact, do return his ever-growing feelings for you. 

You spent the rest of the day together talking and laughing, enjoying each other’s company for the first time outside of Hogwarts. As you made your way downstream of the river, you just couldn’t help but notice that he couldn’t stop glancing at you, stealing gazes. But the look in his eye was really what had caught your attention. The way he looked at you had changed, and you’d only ever seen him look at someone like that once before; at Slughorn’s party back in fourth year when he spent the night with Lily. Could he finally be returning your feelings? Could he finally be falling in love with you as he did Lilly?

Felling a bit courageous, you decided to flirt a little, just to test the waters. What could it hurt to throw a few glances back? Some light touches here and there perhaps? Prinking your fingers against his palm, you slowly went to intertwine your fingers with his, smiling when you felt him grip you tighter.

He looked down at you as you smiled and kept your eyes looking down to the ground. Plummeting right through your comfort zone, you leaned into him and placed your free hand over his arm, squeezing his bicep just enough to get his heart racing.

“Can we do this again sometime?” he asked as you watched the sun set, disappearing behind the houses lining Spinner’s End. You let your legs stretch down the length of the hill as you leaned back, your hands placed firmly on the ground, holding you up. 

“How about we met every week?” you asked vigorously, immediately regretting it as you watched his gaze drop and his smile fad. 

“I-I can’t. My father would… disapprove.” The wind carried his soft voice, acting as a messenger. His tone had gone so low, you could barely hear him. 

“Is he,” you folded your legs and turned your body to face him, “still hurting you Severus?” You couldn’t stand seeing him so hurt, so discontent. It was bad enough what he’d been going through at Hogwarts, but to be beaten, neglected, anchored down by your own parent’s, you could only imagine the hardship he felt. Placing a hand on his shoulder as your thumb began rubbing southing circles. If the rest of the world was going to treat him as though he was a mere crumb on this great plant, you’d be sure to show him otherwise. You’d be there by his side to show him what a talent, deserving young wizard he is.

“I’m fine,” he hated talking about his father, something he’d always shy away from doing when the topic came about, and as he changed the subject, you could see that today was no exception. “How about we meet again on July 29th? We should have our O.W.Ls by then as well. We can open them together if you like.”

“I’d love that,” you whispered before slipping your hand down, wrapping your arm around his own and gently pressing your lips to his shoulder. 

Your O.W.Ls arrived two days before your anticipated meeting with Severus and it took all your willpower not to tear it open. In all honesty, the only thing keeping you from removing that green wax seal was the thought of how special it would be to open it with him for the first time together. Nevertheless, it was still difficult to keep your hands off the thick letter sitting on your bedside table, haunting you every night when you went to bed and every morning when you rose.

Tracing the Hogwarts crest one last time, you closed your eyes and took a deep breath as you tossed it on your bed and swapped it for the light emerald green summer dress you’d picked out that morning. Finally, the day had arrived. The day you’d see your raven-hair friend once more and find out how well (or how terribly) you’d done on your final exams.

Throwing on your favorite pair of flats, you quickly grabbed the letter holding your fate and sprinted down the stairs, making your way to the bus stop.

Paying your share for a ticket, you quickly found a set and watched as the scenery before you shifted, the bus gaining speed as it turned onto the main road. Muggle transport had suddenly felt agonizing slow to you ever since your first trip to Hogwarts. And when you first flew a broom, feeling the wind rushing through your hair as you gained speed, you suddenly felt a great deal of pity for those who couldn’t experience the thrill you knew you couldn’t go another day without. Adjusting to summers in the muggle world after your first year was beyond daunting. In fact, your first summer back, you’d spent a great deal of the first month locked up in your room, feeling quite homesick, a feeling you never thought you’d feel.

Finally, the bus stopped by your destination and you eagerly hoped off, quickly making your way up the hill to the old park behind the abandoned primary school. You were early so you sat on the swing and waited for him so show up. 

You were young when this school closed down, the first school you’d ever attended, holding memories of negligent teachers, chatting amongst themselves while the children came up with various games using whatever hazardous tools they called toys. ‘Exercising the creative mind’ is what they would say whenever asked about the lack of supplies in the classroom. You supposed their budget was part of the reason they were shut down. Now that you were older, you understood these things a lot better as your teachers all tried to convince you the school was shutting down because you were to attend a better school.

It wasn’t a complete lie. The school you were transferred to was much bigger and therefore had a larger budget. It was now the only school still standing in this region of the town, though judging by how its residence seemed to have decreased over the past few years, it didn’t really surprise you.

The south corner of Cokeworth was never a place anyone dreamed of living. Those who owned a home here either found themselves born to poverty or were driven down, forced to downscale and buy something cheaper just for the sake of staying afloat in this economy. Come to think of it actually, the south only housed two schools throughout your time here, so could it be that Severus attended school with you before Hogwarts? 

“Need a push?” you gasped as you heard Severus speak right behind you. “Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you.”

You giggled, realizing how lost in your thoughts you’d become waiting for him. “No, I just didn’t hear you approach,” you got up from your spot and gave him a hug. Severus wrapped his arms around you tightly and buried his face in your hair as he closed his eyes. He had really missed you these last few weeks and hoped that summer would end soon so that he’d be able to see you every day. Just another reason he absolutely hated summers. 

“Shall we?” you asked as you pushed yourself away and stretched out your hand to him to which he gladly accepted. You walked a while, heading to a clearing you’d found last time and sat down on the grass. You placed the letter that had been clenched tightly in your hand on your lap and looked up at him in excitement. 

“Ready?” you asked eagerly. The hype to open this letter had built inside you for far too long and you were more than keen to gaze upon your exam results. But when you saw the letter he pulled out of his pocket, your smiled faded and all prior elation immediately slipped way. “Severus,” you whispered, “what happened?” The once crisp letter he held in his hands now had burns all over and was torn open. Most of the wax seal had been removed and the rest had melted, spreading onto the envelope

“My mum got excited and wanted to see my results but when my dad saw the letter, he grabbed it and threw it in the fire. My mom was quick to save it and did her best to mend what she’d retrieved…” costing her a few second hand burns she still hasn’t healed from, he thought. He wanted to tell you everything, he wanted to open up. But this moment with you was supposed to be a pleasant one and bringing up his father was a sure way to ruin that. He sighed as he traced the holes in the letter and your heart sank at the thought of his father being so cruel to him. You could only imagine what Severus hadn’t told you, what he spared you from hearing. 

“I haven’t read it though,” Severus added when he saw the somber look on your face. “My mum opened it to see my results and told me the fire didn’t damage the contents of the letter.”

You smiled at him, thinking about how he had refrained from looking, even after everything the letter had been through, all because of your plans to open them together. “Let’s swap first,” you said eagerly as you grabbed his letter and handed him your own. 

His eyes widened at you in surprise. “Are you sure you don’t want to open it yourself?” he asked, tracing the perfect looking wax seal on your envelope.

You nodded your head. “I want you to open it,” you replied confidently. You’d waited so long to open that seal, but seeing his eyes sparkle and his lips twitch in happiness as he gazed over your untouched letter made it worth giving up the satisfaction of opening it yourself. He deserved to open his O.W.Ls results after working so hard, but thanks to his father, he’d been deprived of that and though you couldn’t reverse time or mend his letter, you could at least try and cheer him up, letting him tear open yours.

You watched as he broke the wax seal and pull out the letter before you carefully removed his letter from what was left of the envelope. You both unfolded each other’s results and slowly made your way down the list. 

“Oh Sev!” you were the first to react as you lunged at him, wrapping your arms around his neck, quickly hugging him as a congratulations. “I’m so proud of you!”

“You did so well,” he smiled back at you before you swapped letters to look at your own grades. 

Your reports were practically identical. The only difference was that you had received an E in Potions with Severus receiving an O, and you had failed in receiving an O.W.L in Arithmancy, but that didn’t matter to you as you had been focused on Quidditch on top of your studies. Sacrificing such an elective didn’t bother you all that much. The only thing that mattered to you now was that you would be able to take all your N.E.W.Ts with Severus, meaning you would get to spend more time together, while keeping your career options open. It was the best result you could have possibly asked for, and you were just so happy to see Severus excel in so many of his subjects. You knew he had quite an intricately brilliant mind, but seeing it on paper, was just all more impressive.

Severus was just as delighted as you when he saw your reports, thankful you had managed to achieve a high enough score to continue your studies with him. It didn’t come as a surprise to him you’d managed to snag such high results in all your core subjects with all the insane amount of studying you’d done. Still it was a shame you wouldn’t be able to continue Arithmancy with him. It wasn’t an important subject of course, he knew neither of you would really need it for whatever careers you’d end up perusing, but it would have been nice to have identical schedules, spending as much time as you could together.

Perhaps dropping the elective himself would do him well. Maybe you’d find more time to spend together outside of class if you both had lighter workloads. Then again, you’d be playing Quiddtch next term and judging by how the last season had gone, there was no doubt in his mind you’d make captain. Severus was never one for those extra curriculars other students were so eager to join, especially those involving brooms, but seeing as how he only had two years left at Hogwarts, perhaps it wouldn’t hurt to consider taking up a hobby that didn’t involve spending countless hours hunched over a book in the dark corners of the library. 

“Can I see you again this summer?” you asked, making your way back towards the main road. 

“I really want to see you, but I don’t think I can.” Severus kept his gaze to the ground, dragging his feet, thinking back to the seemingly endless argument between his parents that had broken out a couple weeks ago. An argument that led to another, and another and another. A never-ending cycle, one that he’d caused all because he’d objected to working at the factory over the summer with his father. All because he wanted to see more of you.

“That’s okay,” you said quickly, seeing him retried back into his thoughts. He’d only get that look when something was troubling him, and you were not about to let your words, your urge to see more of him, bring him to a place you knew was too dark for anyone to exist. You hugged him one last time, as you saw your bus turn the corner, holding onto him a little longer for good measure and as you pulled away, you felt his hands rest gently on your hips, lightly squeezing before he took a step back, cheeks rosy and jet black hair streaming across his face.

“I’ll see you on the train,” you said as the doors opened and you turned your back to step inside. 

Severus smile, giving a small wave before the doors closed, your figure disappearing complete. He watched as the bus drove away and only began walking home when it was completely out of sight. He hadn’t felt his chest heat with such warmth in so long, but it was a feeling he’d gladly welcome back. One he knew he’d found once again all thanks to you.

It would be different this time. He’d be better. He’d do better. For you… For love.


End file.
